Evie ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 15 years, since 29 Oct 2007 (via @twi_age).

the nice thing about my ADHD is that if my apartment is haunted I will literally never notice it “silly me, always leaving these cupboards and drawers open and the sink running at full blast,” I say, as a frustrated ghost screams into a pillow in the corner

@WacquiJacqui I do not like how this makes me feel

@Sephira Shiiiiiiiiit. That may also roughly equate to how long we’ve been friends too.

good lord. #MyTwitterAnniversary

Fishsticks have severed ties with Kanye West.

How do you say “I promise I’m smart my brain is just fried” professionally??

me: eat your vegetables baby: no me: eat AN AIRPLANE baby: fucken delicious

once i fix my sleep schedule, start eating healthy, get physically fit, beat depression, stop procrastinating, learn how to do taxes, get mentally strong enough to make phone calls, then it’s over for you bitches

"Biden's only doing this for the midterms" Good. Politicians should do stuff that makes me want to vote for them

a tic tac for breakfast, a tic tac for lunch, and 3,000 calories for dinner minutes before bed

George Lucas: This scene is set in the roughest bar you can imagine, filled with violent scumbags who'll cut your arm off if you look at them sideways John Williams: What kind of music will they be playing? George Lucas: Light jazz

Where do I sign the petition?

founder of costco: [drunk as hell] it’s gonna have hot dogs and optometrists

@WacquiJacqui AND the Roman numerals. seagulls and fucking numbers gonna haunt me.

@Sephira still mad about the seagulls.

the bar for human decency is so critically low, that women demanding basic empathy in relationships appears to be a drastic rise in "relationship standards" can we stop sugarcoating the fact that men's toxic & entitled behavior has been encouraged & excused for so long

- suicide pact - ghosts doing unfinished business - trickster gods/fae luring people into heat related fatalities - lost a bet - some new TikTok trend - kidnappers made a weird demand before providing proof of life - aliens who got the costumes right but human physiology wrong

@WacquiJacqui yeaaaaah and it was delicious. thinking about doing it again tomorrow but maybe not the walk, I damn near melted when I got home

@Sephira Yorgos?