Andrew

Can’t sleep. Shivering, coughing, and sneezing in bed. This is fun. 🤧

For people who are always asking how people get eaten by alligators in Florida, this right here is the most classic example of how it happens:

@LASHYBILLS Definitely self defense and also saved the taxpayers putting another thug in prison!

A Texas father shoots and kills a carjacker attempting to steal vehicle with family inside Police say the man tried to steal several vehicles by force yesterday afternoon, before trying this one near Highway 66 and Dairy Road A majority of the family members were inside the car when a carjacker tried to steal it.

@blakes_online Problem solved

What would you do with this space? 🤔

@blakes_online I dunno about this. What did you rate one another?

Should have paid 5 more bucks for comfort

@skanks17 @DownstairsBrian I am sorry for your loss

@DownstairsBrian We had to let go of our 4 year old black cat yesterday morning and he crawled into my girlfriends arms and comfortably drifted off just the same. They are truly such a gift

This old man crossed over today. He had stopped eating, and he told us it was time. At the end when they sedated him before giving him the last shot, he looked me in the eyes and crawled into my arms, the exact same thing he did on the day I met him. Love you forever Trevor 💔

@DownstairsBrian I am sorry for your loss

@Revolution_Eyez @monkieboy99 He goes back to his own home afterwards!

@monkieboy99 What’s non-traditional about this? 🤔

Been thinking about dating lately, and I’ve realized I don’t really want a traditional relationship. Just need a solid guy in my life- someone to travel with, sleep with, hang out with, and actually enjoy being around. Keep it simple

@jay_acuna @adamcarolla @TigranKhalatya1 Reminds me of:::

@adamcarolla @TigranKhalatya1 Nobody takes her seriously.

He’s such a pussy

It’s been a while since I gave her five treats. She’s still horny, but she seems a bit calmer now. So, maybe these treats will work and help me stay sane until she can safely be spayed.

@blakes_online I never run. At my age, both knees are shot, and I have nureopathy. I can barely climb the four steps to get into the house.

Childhood Sleeper cell activates

@AxeSentinel Interesting choice! Fries 🍟 look good!

Insanely late lunch today- had to do an inspection in another city & stopped at a restaurant called Phonomenal to slam some pho & banh mi 😋

Hopefully, these treats will work on Sadie until she can safely be spayed. She’s been in and out of heat every other week for over two months now, which is an absolute nightmare. #legitpet

@blakes_online @Colonel_Keez I’ve been a loner for most of my adult life. Currently, I only have one friend whom I’ve lived with since 2017. Everyone else I knew are either acquaintances, no longer in contact, or no longer living.

@Colonel_Keez Damn, that's what I do. You sound like me. I'd grab food with you.

My birthday is this saturday. I don't have many close friends here in soflo. I'm also not the type of person to ask people to hang out and if I asked someone to spend my birthday with me and they said no, I would be upset. So I'm going to plan a solo day of activities

@blakes_online As I age and continue to lose teeth, I adapt my chewing habits to the teeth I have left. Fortunately, I reside in the remote hillbilly town of Poplar Bluff, Missouri, where having teeth is considered a luxury. 🦷

I was just eating some food, and I came to the realization that I never chew food with the right side of my mouth only the left side

@skanks17 Is this a free version, or did you opt for a premium subscription? I’m curious to know how effective it would be for the small town ghetto in the backwoods of Missouri where I currently reside.

Last night Julia and I were getting into bed and heard three gunshots that were extremely close so I downloaded the citizen app. What a great way to find out we’re surrounded by predators and inundated with breaking news from 5000 miles away

@skanks17 Nice—someone understands the importance of cheese on a taco 🌮

Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best white people tacos are in my girlfriend and my house ever since we moved out to the burbs! I love Hispanics!

@blakes_online I got anxiety from it once in 2007, it was called Purple Haze—I ended up giving it back to the person I got it from…worst trip of my life.

@Social_Chef Nice, I was at degenerate so the first time I smoked was in middle school but then halfway through high school I was just getting anxiety every single time so I realized it was never meant for me

That feeling of listening to day and night smoking your shitty blunt in high school when your biggest problem was how you're asking out the cute girl in science class just flooded me this morning for no reason Alexa play Kid Cudi

@jay_acuna For you to crawl around in?

I kind of need this.