Dave 🇬🇧⚒️. WTF do I know?.

@toxiccowboy1 Ta very much chuck.

Dear Great Britain, We American patriots are with you. 💞💞

@timothy_stanley Five fold.

@timothy_stanley Can we add West Ham stay up and Spurs go down to that?

The happy hat trick would be Reform wins Makerfield and Manchester, Israel wins Eurovision.

Two Questions: 1 - Why is Andy Burnham popular?. 2 - Is Andy Burnham popular?

@RobertJenrick Hi Robert. I'm a big fat hairy arsed opinionated plumber who is expert at putting the world to rights. When do I start?

I am looking to hire a chief economic advisor. As Reform prepare for government we are looking to expand our growing team of policy advisors. I’m after an exceptionally talented individual with a strong grounding in macro economics. If you’re passionate about getting growth again in the economy, and have ideas to shake up our stale economic debate, this role is for you. We have a once in a generation opportunity to build a new economic model that transforms this country for the better. If you have the energy and determination to do that with us, this role is for you. The job will involve: -policy development -modelling -in-depth research No experience in Westminster is required. Business experience is preferable. The pay is highly competitive, but variable depending on the candidate. Please email your CV and a cover letter to jenrickr@parliament.uk Applications close on the 29th May but will be reviewed on a rolling basis.

@LorraineHorn11 @ManOfKent15 Yes.

@ManOfKent15 Is someone paying him to destroy the country

When the PM declares that flying the Union Flag is unpatriotic but flying the Palestinian flag is completely acceptable, we have to ask who is he working for? It’s certainly not the British people.

@Fatbaldbloke1 Chris Bryant did it in his pants.

When you forget your PE kit on cross country day and Mr Williams makes you do it in whatever is in the lost and found box.

@thecoastguy Ignore questioning tweets.

Avoid yellow snow.

@thecoastguy Zippy once worked as a Parliamentary Aid to Ted Heath. (I think?)

I used to know a chap whose girlfriend once dated the guy who was Bungle in Rainbow.

@afneil That's very convenient.

BREAKING NEWS — Angela Rayner says she’s been cleared by HMRC. She’s paid stamp duty due without a penalty being added.

@benrileysmith Si

Theresa May - 3 years Boris Johnson - 3 years, 2 months Liz Truss - 7 weeks Rishi Sunak - 1 year, 9 months Keir Starmer currently 1 year, 10 months If he goes today, it’s averaging a PM every two years. Are we the new Italy?

@LozzaFox You missed out a word in the last sentence.

Reform could all go on holiday for 3 years, not do a single piece of canvassing, not knock on a single door or come up with a single policy and they would storm into Number 10. Such is the ineptitude of this cretinous crusty wank stain of a human.

@joethomlinson Pablo had his arm up, but he was being held off the ground by the Arsenal player who had his arms around his waste. The VAR screen chose not to show the ref this.

It’s a foul on Raya. Issue is that I’ve seen that happen 20+ times this season and not be given. But still… it is a foul.

Pablo had his arm up, but he was being held off the ground by the Arsenal player who had his arms around his waste. The VAR screen chose not to show the ref this.

@mattforde COYI

Yes please Arsenal. Yes please.

@Keir_Starmer It's not a housing crisis, it's an immigration crisis.

@JVMonte2 The Wombles theme.

What’s a great song that has OVER or UNDER in the title?

@jk_rowling @Keir_Starmer I mean I already knew he was a cunt. But even I'm surprised at what a deluded cunt he is.

Bravo, @Keir_Starmer, for getting in an Adviser on Women and Girls who thinks the definition of women and girls includes men and boys. That'll definitely win back people who believe Labour's a party for smug, lanyard-wearing, luxury-belief-espousing cultural elitists. 1/2

@Keir_Starmer @HarrietHarman Deluded Cunt.

I’m delighted to appoint @HarrietHarman as my Adviser on Women and Girls. Harriet is a strong advocate for women and girls and I know she will deliver greater opportunity for women in public life. I’m committed to tackling structural misogyny that is a barrier for too many women and girls. I look forward to working with Harriet to drive forward action on this important issue.

@Keir_Starmer @paulmasonnews

@Keir_Starmer @paulmasonnews At first, I thought it was a Dave Allen sketch.

Together, we will build a stronger and fairer Britain.