Ben Asscrack

@SheilKapadia Imagine the horror on the faces of the fans you scolded when they realize Russini was indeed compromised and you refuse to address it

Always fun! Thumbnail looks like it captures Mina's horror when I revealed my No. 5 coach.

@davidgobaud @MaxMannis Damn you’re even more retarded than I thought

@TheBenAsscrack @MaxMannis wow you must work in Hollywood 🤣 sorry no more dei blockbusters! AI is going to free us from the wmv films :) x.com/davidgobaud/st…

The man hit three homers on three swings in a World Series clincher for the Yankees but can't figure out that this video is AI

@davidgobaud @MaxMannis Yeah my tweet had nothing to do with politics. It’s that you’re so feeble minded you’re entertained by an AI slop-rendered take on a meme that’s like 2 decades old.

@TheBenAsscrack @MaxMannis wow you need to take your SSRIs asap x.com/davidgobaud/st…

@davidgobaud @MaxMannis You're fucking brain dead

@MaxMannis what makes you think he thinks it is real? 🤦‍♂️ it is awesome. main case for AI right now is entertainment!

@meechone The ultimate issue for the Sixers is that they’re owned by a spineless dweeb who sees the team only as a capital investment

The ultimate issue for the Sixers over the next three years is not their GM or coach, it's whether or not you think Joel Embiid with ever be able to endure four rounds of incredibly physical playoff games in such a short period of time.

@cbain100 The team will never ascend as long as Josh Harris owns it

Firing Daryl Morey doesn’t solve anything….

@JoshDenny Josh you have no effect on anything, no one cares about you, no one knows you exist. You were not doing battle with antifa and super pacs, you were attempting edge lord comedy 10 years late without being funny.

I think it’s hilarious that I’ve spent the last 8 years on the conservative side of the culture war - frontline - doing battle with Antifa and liberal super pacs trying to ruin my life and career, and the SECOND I have a criticism for MAGA, I get called a Democrat. 😂😂😂

@feraljokes Jake you missed the opportunity to change your life on cumtown but it was a decade ago you really need to let go of the bitterness

When we first got to new York nick mullen was obsessed with networking with Aaron Berg. Berg was a regular at The Stand, which is run by more of a 4chan flavor of nazi, but he's also part of Stand Up New York's zionist comedy tour/fest/whatever called Chosen Comedy

@EliotShorrParks Yeah it’s a shame there’s so many GM opportunities in the NBA cause if there wasn’t anyone might be willing to take the job

Sixers GM job isn’t that appealing. Stuck with a head coach you didn’t hire and two of the worst contracts in the NBA Won’t be easy to hire a great candidate

@mkultracultchya @TwinkBukowski Picture a career where you get on stage in front of hundreds of people to be the center of attention and receive their adoration and to be told you’re funny. What type of person would a career like that attract?

@TheBenAsscrack @TwinkBukowski there are way too many people doing it

Saturday - Adam Friedland This musical intro was the best part of the show. The rest of his act just made me miss Nick Mullen. Unlike every other show this week, there were girls there. They seem to love this guy. I used him as bait, to get the girl from Wednesday to go out with me again. She loves Red Scare Podcast and this Jewish twink is a staple of the Red Scare Extended Universe and I wanted to fuck her and so let's go see Adam Friedland. The problem with Adam is that he has no conviction. He does not own the room, he's just filling space. He announced that his father was there, in the crowd, which is great, let's hear something that might make your father uncomfortable. No such thing was said. He stared at the floor for half the set, as if he was sorry for being there. I saw Mulaney the night before; the difference was stark. Mulaney can get away with being a sheepish pushover twink Sometimes because he also has balls. He can accelerate from "Aw shucks" to "SHUCK YOU MOTHERSHUCKER" and both versions of himself feel true. Look, I get it, being a sad sorry pushover is his schtick and it works with the voice and it's very relatable for sensitive young men who didn't do sports in high school but to carry a room for a full hour you also need to be able to fight back. I could hear Nick's intonations in his voice. But it's clear that Mulldog spent all his creative energy this week ghostwriting the white guys' lines for the Roast of Kevin Hart and so Friedland was left to fend for himself, comedically. The mark of whether a comedian is delivering or not, for me, is whether I hold my piss in to keep hearing them. This was not the case on Saturday night. I recall stepping out and getting a good look at the crowd, and Friedland bumbling through his completely forgettable material, and thinking: this makes me feel like I could start stand up comedy today and dominate the genre. I have this instinct to say: Adam's young! He'll get better! But he's not. He won't. He's 39. He doesn't have the neuroplasticity. He crossed the Sensitive Young Man threshold ten years ago. Mulaney at 43 could be his father now. He's a "much better interviewer" apparently. I tuned out after Cumtown ended because frankly I don't give a shit about the middle east, and that's 90% of what he talks about. Different strokes. I asked some guy in the bathroom, mid-piss: "what would you rate this show, out of 10?" He said: ehh, like a 6. He's a much better interviewer. I don't hate Adam Friedland, I just wish there was anybody to be excited about in stand up comedy. Between this mens' magazine giving me a $500 stipend to "report" on all these shows and the $474 ticket to Gillis and the $432 ticket to Chappelle and the $741 ticket to Mulaney and all the drinks they make you buy at these things I'm feeling like a huge sunk cost leech on the world. Just taking people's money and using it to complain. At least my date seemed to be having a good time. I wrapped my hand around her low back and leaned into her head, wanting her but not sure how to say it. It's much easier to express that kind of thing on blow. Later that night I K-holed in public. Erica and I took way too much in the front seat of the van. We were outside a rave at 3 AM, they asked me to produce a QR code on my phone, I could barely stand. I felt like I was moving in 2D. The fat security guard barely flinched as I walked past him in slow heavy steps, like a penguin, marching into this densely fogged room with colorful lights and loud bumping trance music where all I could stand to do was lean against the heavily breathing walls. I tried to dance with the girl but it probably looked retarded. I didn't try to interact with anyone, I was too far gone. I thought of Karen, as I do every time I take K. The girl led me through the venue, as I worried I would fall over or walk straight into a wall. I worried about how bad this must look, how retarded I must look, wearing this huge XXL t-shirt tucked in to my pants that don't even fit that well because I have anterior pelvic tilt and no ass. I looked and felt like a clown. A failed clown. I was smiling painfully at Erica, looking down at her, and she was doing the same to me. We found a bathroom and I forced my way in. The ketamine was NOT wearing off. I felt my heart beating hard and my head spinning like I could have thrown up but there was nothing in my stomach besides liquid—no food all day besides a croissant at 2PM. I had downed some random person's red wine glass at the last bar. I worried it might have been spiked. I leaned with my head against the wall, sweating, wishing it would end, brutally aware that Erica's out there waiting for me, my friends are out there waiting for me, wondering if I'm okay, thinking he's too fucked up, he can't handle himself, I thought Thomas was always okay and always in control no matter what, they're losing confidence in me, they're losing confidence in themselves for associating with me, what is this big colorful retarded clown shirt I'm wearing I must look like such a fool right now I can't face these people, I can never face them ever again, my face must look so evil ugly and strained, I splash my face with water but it doesn't help, run it through my hair but it doesn't help, get the water all over my shirt but then it just looks like I threw up on myself or pissed myself or something, and I don't have another shirt, should I go out there shirtless, no that's worse, how am I ever going to leave this bathroom, why won't this K wear off, now Erica's calling me, texting me, are you okay, eventually they're just gonna bust in here I know, fine, I can do it, I'm opening the door, yes, I come out, she's still there, good, good girl. She leads me outside. I feel 10% better. I lead her straight to the van. We get in. I tell her to lay with me. Just like on the first night we met. Head spinning, chest heaving, completely exhausted, just lay with me. She asks are you okay and I say for the first time, no. No, I am actually not okay. I blame Adam Friedland. Overall rating: 4/10. Have Nick write your jokes or just stick to interviews.

@mkultracultchya @TwinkBukowski Probably but that’s not the problem.

@AnonUserName444 Man I forgot about Mike’s Clapton cover

Everyone else's friends and family is fair game in comedy except Sam's. These retards are still trying to drum up cancel culture heat in 2026 and the worst part is they are the biggest cancelers.

@sasimons Your bitterness is showing

👇

@thomasrp93 The team has shown for a while now they generally don’t value safeties. On the other hand, they do value tight ends. It’s worked out pretty well for them.

McNeil-Warren was right there. Eli Stowers better be great... No pressure. #Eagles

@MarcJSpears had to throw a brag in there huh Marc? FFS

@Justchillin_359 @PhillyHotspur @CrossingBroad Compare that with someone like Franzke who at times almost sounds like he has contempt for the Phillies. Much more natural sounding, not pandering to fans.

@PhillyHotspur @CrossingBroad Yeah she pretends she some local who’s loved the team for decades. So annoying. Forced is the right word for it

Sixers Broadcast Team Comes in 29th in Awful Announcing’s Local NBA Rankings crossingbroad.com/news/sixers/si…

@FernFlaman @sheanorling I’m sorry do you think that every player and most coaches don’t have anonymous twitter accounts?? Not to say they’re all responding to tweets defending themselves but if you don’t think they’re all on twitter with burners you’re as naive as a toddler

@sheanorling I guess it depends if you think speculating on whether a coach has a burner account is worth posting normal behavior or not. For sure

if the burner is really vrabel and he went full colangelo, i just don’t see how he can continue as the coach i’m sorry lol

@_aaa87_ @Philsbirdsthrow @TalkinBaseball_ lol you don’t realize this makes your squad look bad. You’re starting a guy so washed that the Phils were willing to eat $25 million just to not have him around.

@Philsbirdsthrow @TalkinBaseball_ Thanks for the 25 mill bucks and firing your manager

Nick Castellanos can’t make the catch, and Masyn Winn triples to score the go-ahead run!

@BeholdPaleH0rse @mike_masters199 Aside from defending Vrabel, what makes you believe this is Vrabel’s burner?

Mike Vrabel’s burner account (@mike_masters199) also says Drake Maye also needs to train in the offseason, that the Patriots have taken note of Colin Cowherd, and the Eagles tampered to get Makai Lemon. He also calls new Buffalo head coach Joe Brady a “soy boy”.

Mike Vrabel’s burner account (@mike_masters199 ) appears to allude the fact that that there is dirt on Patrick Mahomes, and the entire league is corrupt. The entire NFL is filled with horrible people who are owned by Freemasons