Ted Allen

I feel your pain. Luckily, you have 20 minutes to figure it out. (This Chopped thing is effing imPOSSible, man.)

TONIGHT: It’s an all-new #Chopped! In three verrry dastardly baskets, the chefs will find a peculiar cereal, fluke fillets, and an interactive candy—whatever THAT is. Join us to find out: 9|8c, only on @FoodNetwork!

WE’RE BAA-AACK—and better than ever! Serving up brand-new, piping-hot episodes of #Chopped Tuesdays at 9|8c, only on @FoodNetwork!

This is the most frivolous lawsuit of all time—and Los Tacos food is excellent. Slow news day, @NYTimes? tinyurl.com/bdfeb4ur

@ttjanszen Chrissakes, another lecture, this one wrongly accusing me of obfuscation “by design.” And then making the preposterous argument that FCC chair Carr is *not* attacking journalism that fails to flatter Dear Leader. Believe whatever you want to believe, señor.

The FCC Chair deals with BROADCAST Networks. You and others suggesting that it is all networks, by casually leaving out the BROADCAST part of the equation in your post, is done by design to suggest their is some attack on opinion journalism. There isn’t. CNN is free to report whatever they want because it is not a BROACAST network and thus is not under the oversight of the FCC. ABC, CBS and NBC are under the oversight of the FCC and thus have to play by the rules. So while you may believe the war is implusive and reckless, there are many others that don’t believe it is. There voices have an equal right to have their side heard on the BROADCAST networks. That’s the fairness doctrine at play. One side doesn’t get to use public assets and prevent the other side from being heard.

This is despicable. Fellow Americans, if we don’t step up to defend our First Amendment freedoms from these psychos, we will lose them. nytimes.com/2026/03/14/wor…

@QuistJennifer @SkinnerPm We serve and protect. (Skinner much more so than I, ha ha.)

@SkinnerPm @TheTedAllen Some days things seem really bleak then the above exchange happens and you breathe a sigh of relief

Dear @SkinnerPm: As acting ambassador of the Northern Republic of Rufus, I write to request Honorary Orangey status for my Dear Leader, who is at least partially orange. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

@ttjanszen Thanks for the lecture, professor. I worked as a journalist for half of my career, and I understand the fairness doctrine. What is despicable is this right-wing activist FCC chair threatening networks daily over their appropriately robust coverage of an impulsive, reckless war.

Broadcast licenses require balance by operating in the "public interest," a standard historically enforced by the FCC to ensure fair coverage of controversial issues and equal opportunity for political candidates. Whereas you work for the Food Network, which does not operate under a FCC license, you are free to operate in whatever one-sided manner that keeps you employed. But “Broadcast Networks” require balance. When 98% of all broadcast news is negative towards one party, it stands to reason (as in any reasonable person) that this standard is not being enforced. You don’t get to use public assets that are paid for by both parties to spread your one-sided propaganda. What is despicable is your belief that you can. Some might describe that as psycho.

@SkinnerPm MeanCat remains resplendent in his stripes and disdain. And we can do little but tremble.

@TheTedAllen Indeed

@LoveyPuffyPants @SkinnerPm He knows!

@TheTedAllen @SkinnerPm Rufus you are a handsome beast!

@AmbroseBielecki @SkinnerPm That cat is a freakin’ supermodel. He knows when you’re taking his picture, and he immediately establishes eye contact and gives you a “mmmm-ROW.”

@TheTedAllen @SkinnerPm cue the "dafuq are you taking my picture for? I just woke up, I look a mess" look

@SkinnerPm Dear MeanCat: Thank you for this extraordinary honor. You remain, of course, the most handsome and tactically superior of all cats. I must go, now, as my subject has just finely chopped some Polynesian BBQ for my (VERY LATE!) breakfast. Sincerely, Rufus

@TheTedAllen Dear Rufus, Since you’ve always said nice things about me, which is the only character trait I value, I am pleased to offer you this super prestigious never-before-offered award of “OFFICIAL ORANGEY STATUS” complete with a trophy & benefits such as being an orangey. MeanCat

@Lloyd_Cole That is 100% The Killing Moon solo. Love your work, too, BTW, and please play NYC soon?

How many guitar parts can you recognise without needing to listen? This is The Killing Moon solo, I think…

@lallberry @Cheezborger Historically, the Goat always had Schlitz DARK on tap, although it had exactly the same lack of richness that an ordinary Schlitz has.

@TheTedAllen @Cheezborger Schlitz!!?? Look at you go!!! We used to drink that back home in Nebraska. Hope you had a great time!!! 🍻🍺 Cheers!!

It’s definitely been a minute, but I have savored a Schlitz or three and a @cheezborger many times here, preferably on the third barstool from the right. Long may ye wave.

Is this the old Tower Records on Broadway?! BTW I’d always heard over the years that Keef Richards’ NYC apartment was in that building…

@Kingofmoonmen That’s a fucked-up thing to type. ‘Splain?

@TheTedAllen You should be summarily executed for typing this and sending it out into the internet.

Holy smokes, all right. Amazeballs finish!

@arffcrew Educate your own self. Newsom didn’t invade Iran or block the Straits of Hormuz.

@TheTedAllen California has the highest state tax on gasoline in the nation! The democratic run state did that! Ask Newsom to address the state sales tax on gasoline! Stop all the restrictions the state has on gasoline! Educate yourself instead of blaming Republicans!

Ever seen gas north of five bucks a gallon? Here ya go: 3:16 pm today, Palm Springs.

@MaMoosie These prices are already hurting a lot of people. Awful.

@TheTedAllen Tonight at a local "cheap" station in Central Valley California It was $4.89 (Cash / Sinclair Card) just 2 nights ago. 3 weeks ago it was $3.65.. our lowest in a while. Would not be surprised to see $5.49 by the weekend.