Tony Sands

I have decided to run for Director General of the BBC. Here are my proposals: Bring back Mr. Benn. Bring back Anthony Wedgwood Benn. Bring back It’s A Royal Knockout - members of the royal family compete against each to keep their titles (hosted by Andrew Mountbatten Windsor). Remake The Good Life with lesbians. 24 hour coverage of House of Commons on BBC2 rebranded as Crimewatch UK. New format: Nick Knowles visits people whose houses need renovating and does absolutely nothing. It’s called “Do It Yourself You Lazy Bastard” Heston Blumenthal talks about beloved characters from our childhood and then cooks them. Recipies include Deep-fried Tinky Winky, Sweet and sour Deputy Dawg and Daffy Duck A L’Orange. Buy Loose Women from ITV with new panellists Laura Keunssberg, Karlione Leavitt, Nadine Dorries and Richard Tice. Gregg Wallace to present How To Be a Better Woman. 24 hours a day of unfiltered Trump where he’s allowed to say whatever he wants without question or fact-checking. Or save money and just turn BBC1 into Fox News where the news is sometimes read by an actual fox. Create a new channel playing the National Anthem on loop 24 hours a day in an effort to encourage patriots to tie their televisions to lamp posts. Lee Anderson to host Match of the Day 2. Buy Netflix. Nigel Farage to host Pointless.

V - THE MINISERIES (1983) saw alien reptiles invade Earth and turn America into a fascist state, complete with stylised swastikas. But holocaust survivor Abraham and his friend Ruby are determined not to let history repeat itself...