Alec A. Head

@juniorbakeoff is like regular Bake Off only you have to watch children cry at the end of each episode.

Diarrhea is now called “ASSpresso.” Thank you.

For my birthday this year, I would like to watch an argument between Ian McShane and Brian Cox with Brian Blessed as the referee. Someone make this happen. #bellowers

Florida needs to offer up Ron DeSantis in an effort to appease the weather gods.

Is Pearl Jam the best or worst band to be named after sperm?

Some days, I feel like I am fundamentally ill-equipped to handle what life puts in front of me. This is one of those days. #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression

@natcassidy Teach a man to fish, and he might catch a fish. Teach a man to be a fish, and he’ll be a scaley manfish.

Give a man a fish and he’ll know you murdered Luca Brasi. Teach a man to fish and you’ll have an excellent opportunity to murder him while you’re both out on the lake.

Gene Lebell was a towering figure in the field of MMA and martial arts in general, but I will always remember him for the time that he made Steven Seagal shit himself after putting him in a rear-naked choke. Thank you for your humanitarian efforts, good sir. RIP.

I hope that anyone setting off fireworks, thereby scaring the the neighborhood dogs, gets hit by a car blaring that Train song, so that the last thing they hear as their consciousness dithers into nothing is that dude singing “Hey Soul Sister.” Fuck off with that shit.

4th of July is officially more useless than Easter.

Everyone on the supreme court is a pederast. Pass it on.

THERE ARE OTHER SONGS ON HOUNDS OF LOVE, YOU DINGUSES.

They banned guns from the NRA convention. Let me repeat that for the folks in the back: THEY BANNED GUNS FROM THE NRA CONVENTION. #irony Fuck the right. Fuck your guns. Fuck anyone who supports the idea that an AR15 should be readily available. Fuck the second amendment.

Fucking Vince McMahon looking like the sworn enemy of high definition TV.

@richsommer Is it Gilbert?

@BestBuySupport So far it’s been sorted! I’ll let you know if I run into any other issues, though. I’m just curious if this is a widespread mistake.

@UncleGrandPappy Hi. Thanks for reaching out to us on Twitter. Getting a new game should be exciting, yet I can see how this has been less than ideal. I'd love to learn more about your experience and see how I may be of help. Please send us a DM with your full name, phone number and email. ^Blue twitter.com/messages/compo…

So I ordered my copy of @ELDENRING from @BestBuy. They sent me a shrink-wrapped PS5 game with no disc inside. Has this happened to anyone else? I can’t be the only one.

Prediction: WWE sells to Disney and its active roster has to take on the gimmicks of Disney, MCU, and Star Wars characters.

@natcassidy Both are good. I’d do In the Earth first. Gaia manages to transcend the sheer, almost astounding level of Last of Us-plagiarism to the point where it is a surprisingly effective film.

This morning’s good idea: Spider Man, but his secret identity is British registered sex offender Paedo Parker. Let’s pitch it. Thank you.