Underground Memerian

We usually think of the double bass as the biggest in the orchestra… until the octobass enters the chat 🎻💥 A true David vs. Goliath moment.

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam... Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct, leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why last night Teresa kept shouting "Oh, my God!" THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science... The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

Most humble computer virus 😂…..

What's a movie scene that could never be filmed today?

My Loeb Classical Library books looking down upon my Penguin Classics books.

Christmas this year will be on 24/25/26 Let that sink in

Everyone needs to hear this... Michael Caine on his defining philosophy for life: Use the Difficulty As a young actor, he was rehearsing a play when a chair got stuck in the door and blocked his path. He told the other actor he couldn't get by the chair to enter the scene. The actor's response: "Use the difficulty...if it's a comedy, fall over it, if it's a drama, pick it up and smash it." This idea became a defining mantra for his life. "There's never anything so bad that you cannot use that difficulty...if you can use it a quarter of one percent to your advantage, you're ahead, you didn't let it get you down." I can't stop thinking about this... How can you use the difficulty you're currently facing? How can you embrace the struggle? How can you find flow through the friction? As with everything in life, control the controllable: The difficulty is already there. You can't control it. But you can control how you react to it. You can control your response to it. You can control your attitude towards it. Lesson: Difficulty is inevitable. Use it.