WILLIAM WOODHAMS

Well. You can finally enjoy my acting masterclass (somewhat upstaged by a four times ashes winner) and yes, these employees are real. @Fitzdares

@jeremychapman3 - a master of his art. A true sage. People like this make the world a better place.

@iMattf1973 @British_Airways Fair - but its a sign they just don't care anymore and they seem to double down on putting the customer last.

@WIGWOOD @British_Airways I see this as a win, breakfast on BA has been desperate for years now

Dear valued customer. We want to inform you that we will be making 2/3 of the plane business class (by simply not booking the middle seat). Then some warm Cava, and we’re excited to say in 2026, a continental breakfast - aka a stale croissant and some long-life OJ. All for £600.

@pirateirwin @JSCSport @dredvers @RishiPersad1 @andNickMullins @nickluck @leemottershead @Rob_Maul @ricktimes @markstani1 @karolosgrohmann And to you xxx

"Sorrow is tranquillity remembered in emotion." -- Dorothy Parker Wishing you a great 2026 full of happiness, laughter & above all good health. @JSCSport @dredvers @WIGWOOD @RishiPersad1 @andNickMullins @nickluck @leemottershead @Rob_Maul @ricktimes @markstani1 @karolosgrohmann

@pirateirwin That is actually me

Chanced upon this portrait by Tissot in the National Gallery the other day and felt this fine fellow bore a striking resemblance to the irrepressible ⁦@WIGWOOD⁩ whose timing is also impeccable

@TrevXodds @TheDorchester Missed you

What a lunch(a very long 1) 504 people the biggest function @TheDorchester cater for remembering Sir Peter #VoiceOfRacing

@carlhinchy Cheers Carl. Hope all is well. Imagine you’re on a sun lounger. Git.

Many congratulations to @WIGWOOD and Abel!! What lucky boys they are!! Enjoy x

@madamebrutale @hwallop Brain-dead yuppies probably.

@hwallop What a pair of silly sods! Poor bloody kids!

Times births column today

@DaveF63 @hwallop Correct

@hwallop Scaramanga was/is a real person.

@nessybhoy @hwallop I wish

@hwallop Smells like intelligence.

@TheEmacs @hwallop I was in that tipee.

@hwallop Reminds me of the Two Dogs Fucking joke.

@katrinabea70265 @hwallop Factually correct.

@hwallop Their dog is called Disco Rita

@dasha991960649 @hwallop Correct

@toontoon999 @hwallop No dresses yet but they do have excellent legs.

@hwallop Let me guess two neurodivergent rich kids of the future at least one of who will wear a dress and claim to be marginalised.

@johnlbirch @hwallop Very dodgy I’d say. Keep digging.

@hwallop Looks a bit dodgy. Quick search on Find My Past reveals no UK civil marriage record for a couple with these names and no recent birth record for a Basil Woodhams.

@lymewoods @hwallop Marvellous response

@hwallop That is exactly what I want from the Times birth column. Fabulously out there choices, work well as sibling names and a discernible pattern to the names. Excellent!

@RachelK01840150 @hwallop Couldn't agree more

@hwallop How unspeakably naff.

@olly_quinn @hwallop @PrivateEyeNews None to the above

@WIGWOOD @hwallop @PrivateEyeNews Wait, do you perhaps know @hwallop - perhaps you're a M&S pr person or old uni friend, former journo even. If so , is this an in-joke of sorts?

This is how posh people name their kids when they're secure in the knowledge their children won't be getting bogwashed at the local comp every day.

@DedInconvenient @Swallydooncally @hwallop I shall make the pilgrimage

@WIGWOOD @Swallydooncally @hwallop Congratulations! I'll be in West Norwood Cemetery this weekend where some of the Scaramanga family are buried in its Greek Necropolis.