Mike

Don’t follow me cause I’m funny, follow me cause it’s the right thing to do.

@SenWarren You are a massive cyst ridden cunt. Please shut the fuck up.

If Jeff Bezos can drop $10 million to sponsor the Met Gala, he can afford to pay his fair share in taxes.

What do you think?

@BuzzPatterson Dude it’s snoop dog

Who is this dude? The security is insane.

@EndWokeness @MattWalshBlog First degree dafuq!?!? That’s not even an actual legal charge. This is the most retarded thing since world war 11.

Chicago Alderman William Hall wants to see Walgreens face charges for closing (over a shoplifting crisis)

@dustinemills47 @RogerBernards 2 words. Fuck 👏 No 👏

Would you vote for a Thomas Massie Tucker Carlson Presidency in 2028?

@AnnaKKraken 5 ⭐️ Would highly recommend a friendship.

What can I say? ❤️ I have good reviews. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There is something deeply wrong with this woman. And I’m not just talking about the smell.

@shanrocksnwa Beautiful. Simply Beautiful.

The courage it takes to leave behind what’s not meant for you anymore, is the same courage that will help you find your way to what is.

@WarPooh71 Great smile 😁

Selfie Sunday 🥰 Post your selfie down below!

@Missteak They hate you cause they ain’t you.

Why does HR hate me

@305miami6924 Damn!!!

Beer did this…

@Curvychubgirl Dafuq? Who said you’re chubby??? Who’s the asshole that said such things??!!? You fine girl.

Would you ever date a chubby woman… be honest 👀 ○ Yes ○ No ○ Not sure

@WegaAnny Beautiful Juicy Delicious Milky Delectable Inviting Stress relieving Mommy?

Are they beautiful at 40? Yes or no Be honest 🙏🍒

@Scorpio_Karen18 Meat?

A working girl needs her meat 😉

@NatashaCL7 Let’s go.

Just got a new phone with a working microphone. Prepare yourselves for all the shenanigans that are about to ensue.

@AnnaKKraken I’m still waiting for my autographed copy.

@WarPooh71 Lmfao 🤣 I had my brief claim to fame with the redacted sailing boob photo. Already checked off the bucket list.

Weekend Dating Update: The Separated-but-Still-Married Edition (Addendum) Oh—I forgot one minor detail. He is married to a celebrity. Yes. An actual, real-life, recognizable human that people would absolutely click on. So naturally, for a brief moment, my brain went: “Wait… if I make one questionable life decision… I, too, could make the tabloids.” Imagine it: Grainy photo. Sunglasses. Baseball cap pulled low like I’m evading the FBI. Headline: “MYSTERY WOMAN ENTERS CHAT.” And there I am… holding an iced coffee like I didn’t just accidentally ruin my own peace for a headline and 48 hours of internet fame. Honestly? Tempting. Adrenaline. Public scandal. A brief career pivot into “Unnamed Source Close to the Situation.” But then I remembered: I like my life. I like my job. I like not being referred to as “the other woman” in perpetuity. And most importantly—I prefer my drama fictional and my coffee consumed in peace. So alas… my tabloid debut will have to wait. Devastating, I know. Back to regularly scheduled programming: Men who are actually available. A girl can dream.

Weekend Dating Update: The Separated-but-Still-Married Edition Well. Gather ‘round, children. Last night I went on a date with a man who is—technically—married. But don’t worry… they’ve been “separated” for three years. (Three. Years.) Which, in modern dating terms, means: still married, but with creative storytelling. He informed me he’s “figuring himself out this summer.” Ah, yes. Nothing says clarity like inviting a woman you just met back to your house for immediate self-discovery. Very Eat, Pray, Love…but make it suburban. He’s “looking for a friend.” You know the kind: - A friend you kiss - A friend you take home - A friend who accidentally becomes a side character in your unresolved life choices A friend friend. At one point I had a brief, out-of-body moment where I thought: “Wow…I could be one of many ‘friends.’ What an honor.” Truly. Put it on a sash. Parade me through town. And, then my brain kicked back in like: “Or… you could go home, sleep in your own bed, and not audition for ‘Indefinite Mistress: The Series.’” So I politely declined. Because if a man can’t commit to a divorce… he’s definitely not about to commit to me. Shocking twist, I know. Anyway, I assume the self-discovery journey continues today. Without me. Godspeed. May you find yourself. Preferably on your own couch.