Work It

MR. FEENY: Maybe you should leave out the phrase “Kindergarten Colonizers” in your third sentence. It comes off a bit preachy. MISS GROTKE: Preachy?! @KAlexIsWrite on the conversations among (fictional) teachers: widgetmag.com/2021/05/teache…

Here are all the tips and tricks I’ve learned in the past year to turn your Cuomosexual mother into a vulgar Marxist with 300k followers on twitter. @imsotiredrnlol on how – and where – to convert mom to socialism: widgetmag.com/2021/04/conver…

Do you think Red Oval Farms is some two-bit operation? This ain’t Pepperidge Farm, bud. @nickbrigis answers *your* questions about gazpacho dip: widgetmag.com/2021/02/gazpac…

If I had tried half of the merde folle your politicians get away with today, the people of France would have had my head sooner! @quietgirlriot lets them eat cake: widgetmag.com/2021/05/marie-…

Oh, we’ve seen your kind before. You think you’re the first hotshot mass of crabs to roll through Seaside Hollow? @a_rubin on a town that’s sick ‘n’ tired of crabs comin’ ’round: widgetmag.com/2021/03/crabs

There must be great romance advice in the book. Pretty soon, I’ll be the biggest stud in all of grade 9 – on top of being Chess Club President! @laughtraveleat presents romance advice from 9th grader Hayden Leung: widgetmag.com/2021/05/hayden…

In order to understand the Caucasian culinary crisis, I looked to a recently uncovered recipe for Caucasian Cooked Chicken dating back to the 15th century. @Tyrelvin on a culinary oddity: widgetmag.com/2021/02/caucas…

What happens when the stars make a grave error? This is the story of the two mythical Aquarians that don’t have commitment issues. @jeffernaut on some fabled Aquarians: widgetmag.com/2021/01/mythic…

How to order coffee like a local, while also apologizing for the horrors of the last couple hundred years of American foreign policy. @FuncDeadZine on the nuances of international coffee ordering: widgetmag.com/2021/02/americ…

Q: Did you complete 6 years of astronaut training? A: No, but I watched a movie once about an astronaut starring Sandra Bullock while eating Moon Pies! @sarahkaneissexy wants to help you with a career quiz: widgetmag.com/2021/05/moon-p…

Honestly, it feels like a personal attack at this point, and I’ve brought it up repeatedly with my parents. They are clearly on ‘Team Mittens’... Erika Holter on parents who favour the family cat: widgetmag.com/2021/03/cat-si…

Samara sniffled, wiping her eyes as she spoke,“People always think growing up with Shrek must’ve been like heaven, but it was more like stinky hell.” @mywiferight on the pains of having Shrek as a brother: widgetmag.com/2021/04/my-bro…

By getting to know each child’s authentic self, we learn what makes them click – er, tick. Jenna Nobs on school privatization run amok: widgetmag.com/2021/05/bezos-…

I have a most pertinent news story that you must read. Oh, but the news is at the bottom of this article and your eyes look so very tired… @AWGregor with some Poe-inspired clickbait: widgetmag.com/2021/01/import…

Queeg-14 thanks the Council for their hallowed review of this modest work, a classification of modern human beasts. @kunkeltron classifies our species: widgetmag.com/2021/01/modern…

It is with regret that the HOA herewith removes you as unit owners. It’s unfortunate because some of us really enjoyed your tarot card readings. @jooliehoang and the HOA have had enough of their witch neighbours: widgetmag.com/2021/03/dear-t…

I’ll make sure to provide plenty of substrate in your cages for burrowing. Burrowing builds character, or at least I hope it does. @EliseSeyfried on a novel parenting technique: widgetmag.com/2021/03/hamste…

Here are the best five-star places to go when you just need to end things. Who needs a boyfriend when you have a butler, a masseuse, and unlimited drinks? @ambergib on enjoying the buffet after a break-up: widgetmag.com/2021/02/breaku…

I gave up on my sourdough starter three months ago when it turned grey and started emitting a strange, high-pitch sound. @janineannett on some would-be cooks reading comprehension: widgetmag.com/2021/02/recipe…

I like to put them in slowly at first, then faster, faster – my students’ grades, of course. “B...C...A...A...A plus!” I climax. @amymelissaestes on one teacher’s deepest (remote) fantasies: widgetmag.com/2021/05/teache…