Amanda Schumer

Congrats to @joinsaturn for making it to the #2 spot in the App Store for social networking — ahead of Whatsapp, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and Tiktok! Saturn is a new social app for connecting high school students in the real world. It helps gets children off their screens and spending time together.

@incognikki Aww yay!

What grown adult doesn't know their social security number?

@incognikki I eventually want to move back into nonprofit. It's just hard to give up the large tech paycheck lol

@LauraElleM When my friends who live in Florida want to know why I "don't just buy" -- because my down payment would be the equivalent of the purchase price for YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE.

a broker just told me how much money i'd need to put down to buy an apartment in nyc and i just really do not want to be an adult anymore.

@incognikki What's the job?!

@CVSHealth your pharmacies need to be reliable. They kept pushing my rx pick up for three days and now they aren't even open.

One of our senior engineers didn't know what "CRT" meant in reference to a computer monitor. Where's my cane and medicare card?

@coffeetocab My office is only like a mile away from the courthouse and we were hoping for more drama. Bitch lasted five minutes.

How did Margarine Taylor Greene make out in NYC today?

My day.

@ok_bishh I'm just worried he's going to be reelected!

And if we can’t have that, then I want NOTHING. Send him back to LargeMargo or whatever it is and let America MOVE THE FUCK ON finally. Quit dragging us backwards.

Not to diminish all of the horrible shit he’s done and crimes he’s committed- but I’m ready for the world to be over and done with Donald because I am SOOOOO done. I just can’t care anymore. I have zero interest in anything but a mugshot, a prison sentence, and closure.

@tkawaja @aripap @LaunchScience This is everything.

Serial Ad Tech entrepreneur @aripap launches @LaunchScience to bring software to the regular but ad hoc process of product launches. "Everyone can be Steve Jobs". twitter.com/aripap/status/…

A quick 🧵on my new venture and how we’re helping companies launch new products and features better. 1/x

If we green screened the #UCF game right now we'd see the Knights playing against a bunch of arms and legs.

If Ticketmaster can limit the number of people allowed to purchase presale in a given location, why don't they spread out the ticket sale dates so their website actually works?

Who invented the saying "there are no stupid questions"? Because there are. There are very stupid questions.

I'm never going to use "affect" and "effect" correctly. Let's all just get on board with that now.

@derryX @coffeetocab I feel like two years is enough of a spoiler buffer 😂

@coffeetocab Watch as your follower count falls after dropping spoilers like that! Lol

Iron Man dies?????!!!!!!!

Being that I still have PTSD from HBO ruining GoT I will not be watching House of Dragons.

@coffeetocab It also happened BEFORE she found out about the other baby in December.

I don’t understand the Khloe hate. She wanted another child and wanted this child to have the same father as True? So? Some people are in the same situation but married to the guy. 🤭