andy dowell

@ClarksonsFarm1 Yes

@hardestgeezer Not a word on the @BBC about this fantastic achievement… they did report on a couple who found a perfectly round egg though.

Today I finished running the length of New Zealand. 73 days. 2,500+ kilometres. 7 pairs of shoes. 100’s of pies And a bucket load of mountains! We took a few dings on the way through, but made it out the other side. Running the length of New Zealand… completed it mate. 🇳🇿 Massive thank you to the people of this country, your kindness, hospitality, and mad scenery made this one unforgettable. And big love to the crew who made it possible: @huel for fuelling the engine, purenewzealand for backing the mission and ofcourse the support team keeping it all together behind the scenes, Luca, Barbs, Toby & Jamie. We did it, boys. What a ride. Back to training🫡

@EndWokeness @BBCNews @BBCNews at 6pm

@EndWokeness Hey @BBCNews why are you using footage of an obvious con man as part of your 6pm news footage of the war in the Middle East? I’m no journalist but recognised this propaganda specialist a mile away! Do your due diligence properly! 6pm news 03/11/23

This man has seen it all

@JamesBlunt I bet you would rather be fucking number 11 in the US ITunes chart!

Guys - I’m fucking No.13 on the US iTunes Chart!!

@prodnose Imagine the outrage if Matt Hancock had chained a male escort to the wall and beat him with a metal chain. Unimaginable isn’t it?

So the Tories now have one of their number embedded into the biggest show on TV. This revolting failure should not be anywhere near light entertainment. An anti NHS creep. Matt Hancock is a massive misjudgement ITV. Shame on you. #ImACeleb

@anon_opin Suspicious minds- Elvis -live in vegas

I've never heard a live rendition of ANYTHING that was better than the studio recording

⁦@CrapOnLinkedIn⁩

@_DHOTYA …and everyone in the capitol building stopped rioting to cheer!

😭😭

@fesshole Bought mine a pair of goalie gloves……… cos she’s a keeper!

I have absolutely zero idea what to get my wife for Xmas.

@fesshole #dhotya

Aged 20 I traveled around India for 3 months. My credit card was ripped off. Among other things, they spent £500 on William Hill. I cancelled the card, but came back to >£6000 credit as one of the bets had won. Paid for the whole trip! Credit card company never questioned it.

@anon_opin Blame James Bond, he invented them! thefreelibrary.com/for+your+ice+o…

Magnum stop putting sticks in choc ices

@anon_opin Pebble mill regurgitated

I can't stand The One Show. It's just like a kids show you used to get after school.

I see #Nonce is trending in the U.K. but he's got loads of other nicknames, go on, pipe up ... #Afterlife

#bbcqt @sianberry you gave your opinion on the brexit party MEPs turning their backs and also the Lib Dem tshirts. You didn’t mention the Green Party MEP Magid Magid who wasn’t even allowed in parliament because of his offensive and disrespective choice of clothing. Hypocritical?

I can assure you all this isn't me. I will be taking a stuffed Owl to Hillsborough if Wednesday get promoted though. twitter.com/danroan/status…

When you go in the bathroom after your Dad...

When you're telling the waiter about your day and he's pretending to give a shit...

What was Jeremy thinking? What was I thinking? What was James' Mum thinking?

Nana nana nana nana, RATPANTS!!!