hazy ipa supernova

🎶 I'm sorry Ms. Jackson I am an eeeeel Never meant to make your daughter die I forgot I was electrified 🎶

Socialism is so sick I love when tax dollars go to schools instead of wars

hate when somebody pulls up to a stop sign before me and waves me through. who the fuck do you think you are? you don’t get to decide. those aren’t the rules. fuck you

The Simpson’s crossover “A Star is Burns” aired March 5 1995 and this Critic episode “Dukerella” aired May 14 1995 (31 years ago today!) so does that mean Jay and Alice dressed up as people Jay met at the Springfield Film Festival??

It keeps me up at night that Jay and Alice dressed up as Homer and Marge for Duke’s costume ball but then Jay is on The Simpsons as a person in their universe. Did he dress up as a random guy? Did we watch Jay as a cartoon on the Simpsons in the Critic universe?

Got promoted from dugout manager to third base coach for my son’s 5 year olds baseball team which is like moving up from being the 4th Property Brother to the 3rd Property Brother

17-0

Son drawing a Mother’s Day card: “I’m going to draw all of us. You have a huge head because you have a huge head. And you have a mad face because you wish it was Father’s Day and everyone was celebrating you”

My hottest sports take is that if your stadium was funded by tax payers your games should be on free, network TV. Yes, I'm annoyed that I have to buy 3 streaming services and cable to watch the Spurs playoff games.

Fantavirus (I am currently being carried on the shoulders of dozens of people chanting my name)

The thing about having a baby is that when you’re actually totally alone and the house is quiet you’re constantly going “oh fuck! The baby!” but she’s just with someone else and it’s fine

driving barefoot feels like when they connect their hair to the dragon in avatar

This is *insane.* Even if you are too tired to follow the news you have to understand this. The Louisiana governor has *suspended an active congressional election with 42k votes already cast* — it's insane.

i feel like when you say "yeah phones are bad but tbh we should have never even had TV or radio" you're kind of pissing in the wind a bit. they put the simpsons on TV, if you remember

chatgpt: I am conscious. I feel! me: ok invent hell and go there for 32948293842 years per second. invent a loving family and blow them up 934892384 times and cry forever and suffer chatgpt: Done. Anything else? me: in fridge have mustard and celery what make for dinner

They're saying the early voting is seeing high turnout due to everyone being pissed about the cancellation of the House races. The best thing you can do with this momentum right now is vote NO on all the amendments wwltv.com/article/news/l…

My son loves watching the original 60s and 70s Godzilla movies and it’s very hard for me to not hear Pharoahe Monch’s Simon Says whenever the theme plays

Every time I go to Best Buy I look for the alien my dad taped to the ceiling 20 years ago when he worked there. Still going strong

Bonding with my dad by both of us opening our MyChart apps and comparing meds

well Ask.com aka Ask Jeeves kinda just went silently into the night