Annika Dukes

@JortsTheCat Love the new bandana, Jorts!

We had several brand new trash cans delivered. I leaped inside, and since there were several stacked cans I couldn’t tip them over to escape bc they were too heavy. I yelled and was rescued immediately. I have no regrets and slept soundly

Days since a trash can mishap: 1 Every day is something to be proud of. It doesn’t matter if it’s day 1 or day 67.

@theheatherhogan Ah geez that could get me to do it!

Dang I would have done my taxes months ago if I'd known TurboTax had turned the whole thing into a competition!

@writesloud I put one of these in my 12 yo’s stocking and he played with it quite a bit

@katierosman oh no

Texting him as a tween vs. texting him as a teen:

@giddygirlie @mimismartypants Ours did this too - the older cat would put the kitten’s whole head in her mouth. They ended up cuddlers! (well, interspersed with normal sibling fighting)

We are making inquiries about a few shelter kittens and it's thrilling but I am so so so worried about introductions (I've read all the advice) and about ruining Murphy's cat life. SO WORRIED. STRESSED.

@mimismartypants This is damn good advice

If I realize I'm wasting time scrolling, I will use cats as milemarkers. "I'll keep going until I see a cat." My feeds are such that there will be a cat, and that way I get to end on a cat.

Thinkin’ about this pony working up the courage to jump over a tiny step

@AustinHuff I said to my friend yesterday, “this jacket doesn’t seem like something you could buy in a store”

welp. anyone know where I can even begin to find a floral blazer with pink ostrich feathers down the sleeves?

if this tweet gets 5,000 likes, I will find this jacket, buy it, and wear it to a Cubs game

@mcrane_12 That’s when I knew he was unlikely to be an athlete

@mcrane_12 when my kid was a toddler it was the summer Olympics and at one point he said “when these people get done playing sports they are going to be sooo tired they’ll never want to play sports again”

my toddler’s life has been ruined by march madness—he’s so sick of basketball that when I turn it on he screams NO GAMES NO GAMES NO GAMES!!!! & hurls himself on the ground

@linzsports @ESOTERICTalia A flamingo!!

Kim is dressed like an Easter Basket.

@theheatherhogan Heather, that is the BEST

My therapist said I’m having an “emotional growth spurt” AND I’ve had three of the top ten sandwiches of my entire life in the last two months!

@JortsTheCat I’m worried I might be neighbor Glenn bc the roof tiles from my garage blew everywhere in the storm this week, almost hitting one of my neighbors!

Hello I am ready for my bedtime stories about what your neighbor Glenn did this time

Excellent comments on this one. I do not want to go to Oklahoma.

@theheatherhogan A roll of powdered sugar Donettes and a deep fried chimichanga/meat pie thing they sold from the snack cart at morning break

Remember in high school when you’d eat a bag of Cheetos and drink a Mountain Dew and then learn complicated Calculus, read Shakespeare, run two miles, do a science experiment, cry about a girl, memorize the Declaration of Independence, and it’d still only be like 11am?

@autowin Award-winning content here!

We all saw it and we all had questions — eg what brought these people together and why? — and luckily we spent the day finding answers for you bc I am a journalist. autostraddle.com/sarah-paulson-…

@fosterhood I did years of packed (and photographed for FB) lunches and now that my son is in middle school he eats school lunch every day (which is free in CA) and that’s fine but… what if a nicely packed lunch was MY love language?!? 😭

Kid #1 has essentially communicated that her love language is me making her a stylish lunch. After all these years of school lunch, I’m going to have to step it up. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. ❤️

@svershbow I’m trying so hard not to find out…

It finally happened. My mom asked me what a Vanderpump is.

@tweetraychang I was really overwhelmed with happiness in the first few weeks of my son’s life. We had so much trouble getting pregnant, I couldn’t believe that it all had worked out!

@tweetraychang I think maybe people don’t talk about the good bc they don’t want to be seen as gloating in front of other parents who are having a hard time, but I wondered if there was something opposite to post-partum depression where you are just GLEEFUL and BLISSED OUT all the time.

We are inducing tomorrow: All I’ve heard are things like: - “sleep as much as you can because you won’t be sleeping once the baby comes” - “your life is about to be over” - “you aren’t going to have any time for anything” What’s a good word or advice you’d be willing to share?