I'm 5'8 (this is a lie)

Started stimming at the function so I took it to the terlit

These guys seem nice, but a lot of them have crazy eyes, no? #bachelorette

Rounding up the best sketches of ‘SNL’ season 49, including Kristen Wiig in ‘Jumanji,’ Nate Bargatze in ‘Washington’s Dream,’ and, of course, ‘Beavis and Butt-Head.’ trib.al/2M0rpDS

there should be something to have for breakfast

Connections having "vampire" and "baseball" in the same quiz

i got pulled over & my vape was in my cup holder & the cop was like “u know the news saying those things are killing people” i laughed a lil bit & said “they say the same thing about yall lol” he ain’t laugh

today was another day I used to fall asleep dreaming about as a kid.

Wondering who goes in and rewrites Wikipedia articles about people who have died in the past tense, hoping it’s a button

when a girl is acting up about an ugly man I always get so confused and it’s the same type of confused as when I found out that Ben Franklin wanted the National bird to be a turkey. Imagine him showing the other founding fathers a pic and they’re just like …girl what is this…

This Tuesday 6/20, catch @wallybaram (The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Just For Laughs, What We Do In The Shadows) as she headlines Union Hall! Featuring Special Guests @augustewhite, @neelghost, and Jo Firestone! Tickets & Details: tinyurl.com/ykz6unnr

Knock knock who's there? nobody... They had to go to a meeting.

TONIGHT! SUNDAY! Auguste White! (@augustewhite) SNL writer, stand-up and future hall of famer of tbd! Sleep on your bed, don’t sleep on this show. In-Person and Streaming tix available at RaaaatScraps.com

🔥

Uuuuughhh there is literally noooothing hotter than brown skin!! apologies to everyone for what my skin be doing with this summer sun!!

TONIGHT: Come have some laughs & drinks at The Last Drop with @carolinnycianci and @stillmad_! A monthly stand-up comedy show, featuring: ∙ @augustewhite ∙ @sophiawpelton ∙ @badboygargar ∙ Esther Fallick ∙ @thirsty_spice 9:30 Doors ∙ 10PM Show 🎟: rb.gy/5ip2e

sky got turd n smoke in it. computers is bras.

africanameriqinidad

FRI 6/9: Come have some laughs & drinks at The Last Drop with @carolinnycianci and @stillmad_! A monthly stand-up comedy show, featuring: ∙ @augustewhite ∙ @sophiawpelton ∙ @badboygargar ∙ Esther Fallick ∙ @thirsty_spice 🎟: rb.gy/5ip2e