Ben “The Rock” Johnson

Reheating day old coffee in my Hurley from Lost mug in the microwave

It is imperative that we elect Democrats who have never seen The West Wing

ME TRYING TO REMEMBER THE NAME OF A GUY I KNEW IN HIGHSCHOOL: unngghh gahhh hgggggg THE MICROPLASTICS IN MY BRAIN: you are sexually attracted to Optimus Prime

@MarkSpr41550954 The patient is alive, well, and courageous

@bemjohmsom How is the patient doing?

This is what they do to you if you can’t pay at Texas Roadhouse

standing up to a bully and saying “why don’t you pick on somebody of your own stature” in my best Jimmy Carter voice

I cannot think of anything worse?

New single “Blackout” drops this Friday 8/9 Presave link in bio

@mrmaggiano What if I told you about the guy that lives in your shed unbeknownst to you who is terribly afraid of spiders 🤔

I have a passive stream of karmic income called letting spiders live in our shed

The Verge interviews Werner Herzog, 2016

Rohan, you strike a hard bargain

TFW another weekend in Chattanooga, Tennessee is right around the corner

when I was 11 I was in the barbershop and I overheard a guy talking about waterboarding (?) and I’d recently kneeboarded for the first time at the lake and I thought that’s what waterboarding was so I yelled “I love waterboarding!!” and everyone got quiet and glared at me

@mrmaggiano Bruh we don’t have to ask it’s all you ever talk about anymore

nobody ever asks me about our alfredo room… 🥺

@mrmaggiano No man that’s real please I could really use that payment so let’s get this figured out asap

Hey @bemjohmsom is this legit or is someone impersonating you…

This is the most hostile work environment I can possibly imagine

Amazing show happening this Saturday, our sister band Mult is rocking the house, get tickets here poortaste.co/products/chat-… And don’t miss us May 16th at the Boneyard with some great friends.

It shouldn’t have had to be a coworker that told me this

Someone really should have told me that I had an entire piece of gum sticking to my ass at the boneyard last night.