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جنیاں تن میرے تے لگیاں ، تینوں اک لگے تے توں جانے غلام فریدا دل اُوتھے دیئیے جتھے اگلا قدر وی جانے

Story that never happened

عمران ڈائجسٹ کا نیا شمارہ شائع ہو گیا

It was the darkest day for Pakistan’s democracy when the hybrid system was officially launched, and we are still stuck in it. May he rot in jail forever under the system he facilitated.

Recently, a Pakistani friend of mine (we'll call him Danial) got a postdoc at the Lund University in Sweden. We met at his office for coffee. I congratulated him and we caught up. "I need you to do me a favor, Mushtaq," he said. "Of course." "Please don't tell anyone in my family or friends that I work at the Lund University," he said. "Why? What happened?" "Man, just don't mention where I work especially if a mutual friend asks," he said. I was taken aback initially. But then I put two and two together and realized why he didn't want me to tell anyone about his workplace. In Pakistan, the word "lund" means penis. Being the reliable friend that I am, the very next day I rang up Danial's dad and eight of our mutual friends. I told them that Danial was doing well in Sweden and dropped the name of his university ever so nonchalantly. Things went exactly as planned. His dad called him and asked how he was settling in at the Schlong Institute of Dick Studies. Another friend asked Danial how his project would contribute to the research at the Weiner Academy of Sausage Sciences. Every few days, someone from Pakistan calls him to ask how his research at the Phallus Institute of Dong Dynamics is going, or if he was looking for a permanent job at the Johnson Institute for Shaft Studies. He has started looking for a new job. Since Lund was causing Danial all sorts of problems I decided to help him. The poor thing took all this Lund stuff really badly. Apparently, some of our friends tried setting him up with a beautiful British-Paksitani woman, Yasmine, who was visiting Copenhagen. Now Danial has limited social skills when it comes to women and Yasmine was way out of his league. Yet he was able to charm her somehow and took her out for a date in a trendy restaurant in Copenhagen. Things came to a head when she asked him where he was currently based. "Lund," he said. "I wasn't sure initially, but now I quite like Lund." She thought he was a closeted gay looking for a lavendar marriage and was trying to deceive her. She got up, threw her wine in his face, and stormed out of the restaurant but not before yelling "You sick little perverted motherfucker" in the poshest British accent. Anyway, I decided to help him get out of Lund. I asked my colleagues here in Danish academia if they were hiring any researchers. Søren, one of my colleagues, said that he was. A marine ecologist, he had recently won a big grant to conduct research in the North Sea. I showed Søren Danial's Google Scholar profile. He was clearly impressed. "He's exaclty the kind of researcher we need," Søren said. So, I rang up Danial and told him that Søren here in Copenhagen is interested in hiring him. "Yes," He said without even letting me finish. "I'll take the job. Just get me out of Lund, man, it's hard, Lund's hard." I told Søren that Danial was willing to accept the job. As we parted, I asked him what his research project was about. "Effekten af ​​bundtrawl i Nordsøen," Søren replied in Danish. In English, this means "The effect of bottom trawling in Nordic sea." The only problem with this is that the Danish word for bottom is "bund." In Pakistan, bund means buttocks. Danial will join Søren's project in a few weeks. This time around I'm not going to tell his father or our friends anything about his job. Just kidding. I've already told them and they've started working on names like Keister Institute of Booty Sciences. It's going to be great I also took the opportunity to update Yasmine about Danial's upcoming project on bundtrawling. "I knew it," she said. "I already knew it."

Neil Armstrong

@JPKSSRF249876 @ladieshunn Probably some very inexperienced/underage people commenting on here... Can't stop them, almost none of them got my point, instead came onto me provoking like it's a street fight.

@ladieshunn @bilalusaf I'm a realist, my dear friend. I see world from a very practical viewpoint. You are having a very utopic and idealistic viewpoint where everybody is living separately which is literally impossible even for the most progressive and rich nations on the earth it's almost impossible

If men had to arrange a separate house for their wife, in the current economy, more than 50% would have to wait until their mid 30s... Which would also raise the number of unmarried women into their 30s/40s.. Point is, even men do a lot of things not obligated to them by religion

@flawless_cyber Acha

So what wait? And you are definitely right in your last line.. Men do many things which are not obligated by the religion such as: get Married when they don't have white resources , have kids when they don't have enough resources, Make their wives responsible for their parents

@batkuchaesihai Jahaiz mangnay walon ka bhi alag database hona chahiaye... So that they never get married

Jahaiz mangte hue Islam aur economy Yaad Nahi ati inko

@systemcheck321 @RUAkhwand Your whole argument was demeaning to a whole class and income level and to a specific gender. But hey your refuting so you must be correct

@bilalusaf @RUAkhwand Where did you get that from? I wasn’t demeaning anyone. It was a suggestion, If a girl from your class is not willing to marry you then look towards other classes. Ab Khud sae assumptions Lagani hain keh mein Kiun kaha yeh ya main kon hun is really dumb.

There are other realities to it. - ghar apna hey ya karaey ka. - what makes you think, in Pakistan a 25 30 year old guy would be earning enough that he could afford a rental house costing him 50k 60k a month along with other expenses while the avg monthly income in Pakistan is

@UnitedsFreak Ok

@bilalusaf Stop pimping out your dad besharam

Men will go to another city to work or study and will rent a place but can’t do that for their wives 🤪

@RUAkhwand @systemcheck321 Inko lagta hai k lower class insaan nahi janwar hotay hain... I've come to realize that behind all such replies will be either unmarried boys with idiotic standards, hormonal 16yo girls or degenerate uncles trying to redeem themselves after a lifetime of poor behavior

@systemcheck321 Meney general argument dia or ap personal pey aa gaey.. bhai apka system check error dey raha hey. 404 brain not found. Plz jira pey ticket bana k es production error ko fix krn.

@Madamjee11 @Huk06 @Eddie_Mugoh @Aunry_91 Please share the reference of the official communication where he denied bases? Common public knowledge is that he was begging, pants down ready to bend over, for a call from Washington

@Huk06 @Eddie_Mugoh @Aunry_91 However, he credits Imran Khan for refusing to grant those bases, which has helped Pakistan maintain a neutral position and potentially act as a mediator in peace talks. What you are referring to on the other hand is an older issue related to cross border terrorism.

Imran Khan refused a US military base in Pakistan. That plan has never materialized because of him. Thats the only reason Pakistan doesn't get bombed by Iran. And that is also why he is in prison for high treason.

Tweets for sale

@_plushpillowsss Acha

don't marry if you can't afford it.

@poarch88 I don't belong to decades ago, I'm talking about recent years. Pakistanis love being ridiculous where there is no need to be.

@bilalusaf and what about decades ago ? pakistanis love following hindu traditions

@UnitedsFreak Marry my dad and he'll pay, or maybe he won't want to keep you in a separate home 🤷🏻

@bilalusaf Why tf would I go there? Are the hostel rooms free or are your dad paying for it along with tuition?

@amissacura Opinions & speculations

@bilalusaf You are free to take what you want from it. But for a normal human, death and life cannot coexist under one roof.

@amissacura Shove your ability, to make meanings of things which are not there, up where the sun doesn't shine. There is no mention of a separate house, because if it were to be made obligatory it would have been mentioned, it's up to the discretion of the spouses...

@bilalusaf Yes, because you think death can live with a man's wife. So be it. The Hadith is clear, but you lack the ability to understand it and are trying to pull a meaning from it that is not there in any way.

I'LL WRITE THE PROPAGANDA IN CAPS, IT'LL MAKE MORE IMPACT