dan hickman

Morning London, you glorious bastard.

@Mafer1ck Surely you have to give him a side of apple sauce?? As an aside....better than contents of cat litter tray at 6am. Bloody labs

What weighs 20kgs and has eaten 2kgs of freshly roasted smoked gammon?

@brianmoore666 We're having a pet barbecue this weekend. My speciality cat in Sriracha mayonnaise jus us always a hit

Has anybody had their neighbour eat their cat today?

@danielstorey85 I stand corrected sir.

@bing069 Was in 2011, but not in 2019 so clearly some leeway that the SWD doesn't get

The South Wales derby is UK football's only bubble match. I went to Cardiff and Swansea on Sunday to write a long read on a great derby day, but why it’s time to give peace a chance. inews.co.uk/sport/football…

@SportsAuctions_ @SotonDIFTK Bid here? I'll put 30 quid if so!!

This is a fantastic auction item for #SaintsFC fans An original program from 1984 and an A3 print of the goal celebration, both personally signed by Steve Moran Please bid below if able with all proceeds going to help @SotonDIFTK charity #SaintsFC #SaintsLegends #FACup

@thefutballboy_1 Mane

Football knowledge test. Guess the player. Level: Hard. Prize: Free shoutout.

@loulangdown Agree cuz!!

1 of the best team goals ever scored at Wembley 👀 - bravery to play - entice opposition out of shape - play through press - rotate off set triggers - pass appreciation - pass execution - off ball movement - calm finish #plan #coach #do #saintsfc

@dalesilvermat3 We're coming for youuuuu, fellow team with a nearby world famous forest...We're coming for you

Congratulations to Southampton Football Club on their promotion back to the Premier League. You’ll be hearing from me.

@dank_ackroyd The type of boss who's the embodiment of gaslighting.

A manager bollocked me in front of the whole office because I refused to work unpaid. It was so bad I left in tears so she rang me on the way home to ask if I felt better after my ‘little cry’. If you see this Tara everyone hated you & we all used to say your tits looked ‘greasy’

@NewForestRamble Mate I've known you for a long time....and diva you are not Seems a kop out to be honest. Why not contact you in person?

Am I being a diva? Some bloke I know wrote a book which I recently saw in a local shop. I opened it up and was surprised to see he'd thanked me in the acknowledgements for the knowledge he had lifted from a social media group I run to help write his book. 🧵

@AlisonMoyet Our cats use the carpet to do sharp turns. Claws help them to shave 0.05 seconds off getting from food to our bed where they proceed to moult liberally on our fresh bedclothes. Then the dog does the same. Twats.

You can love your cat or you can love your stair carpet. You can’t love both. Life has taught me this.

@nickskymount @prodnose Saints fan.....would not be upset if we stayed down. Prem is entitled sanitized snooze fest

This Leeds Leicester game is showing once again that the Championship is pure Punk Rock verses the Premier League's predictable, big arena traditional corporate arrangements.

@PastorAlexLove Is he Bluetooth compatible?

Atheists, you can keep you A.1. Supercomputers, your TikTok and your Sega Megadrives. I have something much better, I have JESUS. 🙏

🚨 TRAGIC: Cat Death Dominates UK News Agenda. 👇🏻 Join the #BrokenNews team for your dose of #MondayMotivation, and get the full report. Please share.

@Crap_Portraits Ally mccoist?

Here’s a Friday portrait for you. I’m excited to announce the subject is not a gobshite, not even close, so that eliminates 90 percent of the tories. You‘ll look at this and think, wow that’s crap, could I do better? The answer’s almost definitely yes.

@dollyjoyner @Apple Samsung for phone/tablet....dell for laptop

My 6yr old @Apple is too vintage to repair, fix or get money for parts. My love affair with @Apple is over. It’s unthinkable to me that such throw away tech can be allowed, so bad for the environment, can’t even be upgraded for years. What brand should I use? Phones & laptops…

@meatgirI All that she wants...ace of base. Awful euro pop for people who hate music and happiness

this is a safe space so no arguing — what’s a song you despise to a comical degree? no holiday music or “anything by so-and-so” or “all music of this genre”, only real replies. mine is “bitter sweet symphony” by the verve bc i think the orchestral part is repetitive and tacky

@fesshole Dad??

I work for a large UK supermarket as a delivery driver and siphon 2 litres of diesel into a coke bottle every shift and stick into my backpack. It has cut my fuel costs in half since I started 18 months ago.

@thedailymash I hate x factor... but hungover give me an emotional journey story and an angelic voice and I'm in bits man

Hungover man fights back tears after watching literally anything buff.ly/30YaBQl