a random Brandon

I live with a constant dread that someone is going to ask me what a hectare is

just trying to figure out if there’s a way we can resurrect Glen Campbell and get a few more songs

when i see a fat ass

I don’t care what scientists call it. This is a Sherman

Great Clips will shave a Jordan logo into your pubes if you’re prepared to part with a few Arby’s coupons.

Haha! I tricked you!

Please keep our Cashier Colby in your thoughts. He hit a deer on the way to work this morning.

RIP

“We regret to inform you” You will regret you informed me😭

C if he and cancer were locked in hand-to-hand combat and fell from a waterfall

I wish I was just chilling, showing everyone my Rorschach belly

it seems like half of historical stories start when an 8 year old’s parents die and they have no choice but to join the crew of a ship and try to make their fortune at sea, and I wish I could simulate that experience for my kids for even just a week or two

very cool to embrace and increase US dependence on oil then back Netanyahu in his unhinged murderous rampage in the Middle East. super good strategy, like bring a precariously high stack of pies to the circus and asking a clown to protect them.

Imagine canceling all green energy initiatives then blowing up the world’s largest supply of oil. Low IQ individuals could never.

“Worst she can say is no” Bro, she said I look like someone tried to draw President Taft from memory

You can’t yell “fire” in a crowded theater but no one can stop you from yelling “I have diarrhea”

this looks like a composite image of everyone I ever sold Mountain Dew to when I worked at a gas station

𝙒𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙚

Babe wake up someone created Google Translate for LinkedIn