Brendan

No one understands beach house like me

no shade but personally after riding through the entire desert i would’ve given the horse a name

2026 Kentucky Derby results: 1. 🐎 2. 🐎 3. 🐎 4. 🐎 5. 🐎 6. 🐎 7. 🐎 8. 🐎 9. 🐎 10. 🐎 11. 🐎 12. 🐎 13. 🐎 14. 🐎 15. 🐎 16. 🐎 17. 🐎 18. 🐎

Sleepytime tea got me dreaming like jane schoenbrun

"Erm, hello? Is anyone here?" "Hello, young one." "Oh, hi. Um, can I use your wifi? I'm totally lost." "Indeed you are. As are many during the journey of life." "Why are you looking at me like that? Are you going to *gulp* peel me like a banana?" "That is one possibility."

Aliens bodies are probably different as hell. Or similar

The spiders in my apartment are forming a union

Chester cheetah is woke but I can't post the proof here as Frito-Lay would kill me. DM for more info

kicked out of the nudist colony for refusing to take off the ricks

The only reason we aren't all speaking Cantonese is because my tower of babel has remained powered uninterrupted for years

If I laid an egg it would be a small one. I would have to hype myself up a lot before laying a big one

C-section babies are incapable of learning phonics

gave birth in urban outfitters and they snatched it up and hydraulic pressed it into a lana del rey vinyl

These are the visuals in a Jon Bois video before he starts talking about a backup qb who threw for 31 yards in 1987

Make all roads out of sponges so they'll never get wet. Just Absorb the water. #spongeroads

jpegmafia is spiritually caucasian

*rows past you on my long boat*

Horses are usually just eating or moving. Never seen one jump straight up but they might be able to do that

I need the curse lifted

awesome