Caroline Murphy

@himtuition elephant. scorpion.

@HeatherMatarazz Just got it today!

@Kateness8 Lol I knew there was a lesson in that movie....

@Kateness8 I’ll survive the robot uprising because of the way you can make a great girl in your own house with your family or friends and you then know what you think

Use predictive text to see why robots will spare you in the apocalypse “I’ll survive the robot uprising because ...”

@TheLivingMJ You can’t imagine how validated I feel.

@chillmurphy: now your story can finally be told! news.yahoo.com/paris-hilton-s…

I can’t stop thinking about Elijah McClain

@mariabamfoo @DWCweb I’m available if you still happen to be looking!

Anyone avails NOW to listen to my hour on Zoom? One-on-One. Tweet me back and I'll message the first person I see. If you enjoy the material, give $ to the @DWCweb or a Black Lives Matter charity!

@StoneyDad420 @HoarseWisperer Same! Except for the Ghostbusters and kids part. Happy Birthday :)

@HoarseWisperer It's my birthday, so watching Ghostbusters with my kids who have not yet seen it.

So, what’s everyone doing for St. Patrick’s Day? I was thinking of shuffling aimlessly from room to room muttering and bored.

@singinganagram Same. And they always punctuate my dumb shit with exclamation points. I literally never exclaim.

The press is excellent at always pinpointing the dumbest possible shit that issues forth from my mouth in interviews and publishing that instead of the vastly smarter answers in my head that somehow never make it out. Sigh.

At the intermission of musicals there should be a very short football game

@MayCorsini Congratulations!!! ❤️

@gwynnesanity This is devastating.

Everyone go to this. I'm just going to keep saying it for the entire run.

See this Instagram photo by @thepoetshug instagram.com/p/BwThS3ApthY/…

This atrocity begins today in #Brunei. Please join me and spread the word about the boycott of hotels owned by the Sultan of Brunei.

#Acclivus is a proud supporter of the @humanrightscampaign Join us as we bowl for equality in the 2nd Annual DFW HRC Pin Down Equality Bowling Tournament, Sunday, January 27, 2019. For more info, visit goo.gl/hbwmtK #Acclivus #R3 #HumanRightsCampaign #DFWHRC #Inclusion

Getting a “Sorry, I’m running late” text while you are also running late is better than xanax