SpacedMom

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SpacedMom

SpacedMom

@copymama

Writer of freelance copy. Cultivator of small humans. Documenter of absurdity. / Header by the talented @mommy_cusses

The land of caw-fee and dawgs Katılım Mayıs 2009
2.9K Takip Edilen23.1K Takipçiler
Sabitlenmiş Tweet
SpacedMom
SpacedMom@copymama·
Driving tests should have a portion where a kid in the backseat just pummels you with rapid-fire questions while you try to merge.
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ME
ME@bensmom33·
@copymama Also every time you read an email, 10 more unread ones pop up.
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SpacedMom
SpacedMom@copymama·
[Arriving in Hell] *Satan hands me a phone where every app has notifications but no matter how many times I try to clear them the red dots just won’t go away*
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SpacedMom retweetledi
McDad
McDad@mcdadstuff·
Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P
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Uncle Bob 🍩
Uncle Bob 🍩@UncleBob56·
A scammer called me and said he had all my passwords... "You're a lifesaver! Hang on while I grab a pen and paper."
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Nadine Antoinette 🖤📚
Nadine Antoinette 🖤📚@Lilblack_heart·
me: i make a mean grilled cheese my grilled cheese: go fuck yourself
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogud·
One-upping the other new members at juggling club by starting with katanas
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogud·
Anyone under 6ft 4 who wants to use an umbrella in a crowd should have to do a course.
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SpacedMom retweetledi
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogud·
In France, automobile thieves are called carjacquers.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogud·
Back in the day Mike Tyson was known as Iron Mike and he was a Fe-nom send tweet
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogud·
[Getting tazed on the bus] I’m the conductor now lmfaoooo
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogud·
[sees a guy selling drugs outside the supermarket] *whispers to self* Pablo Tescobar
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meghan
meghan@deloisivete·
Feeling betrayed because my kid found my stash of Reese's peanut butter cups that I originally took from his stash
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Annie Hatfield
Annie Hatfield@AnneHatfieldVO·
What must a pancake think when it's being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.
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SpacedMom
SpacedMom@copymama·
@jentheboo123 “She would maybe help you out if no one else was available.”
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Jen X - cellent
Jen X - cellent@jentheboo123·
@copymama 'Jen was...such a good speller. And she was always so well hydrated.'
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SpacedMom
SpacedMom@copymama·
When people talk about someone who died, they’re always like “They had the biggest heart, they would have done anything for you,” but I feel like when I die they’ll be like “She would sometimes text you some halfhearted advice.”
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Sweet Momissa
Sweet Momissa@sweetmomissa·
Nancy Drew and the case of the mysterious acronym my teen sent me that I can’t figure out.
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Kellalena
Kellalena@topaz_kell·
Kidnapper: your coming with me Me: * you’re
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