Chris Roy

@DowManDichter Yes he fucking has!!!!

Has Kenny McLean touched the ball since coming on?

@_DIGB @terrace_podcast Yet he hires Stephen Pressley 🤷‍♂️

Strachan talking a power of common sense on the principles of a manager vs results Winning should be the only thing that matters

@anon_opin Alright Malcolm

Calling a bald man Kojak isn't as wittily original as you think it is.

@CountBinface Do ya think I’m Nazi?

No wonder he wanted to wake up Maggie.

@loz2966 @fesshole Thanks mate. I was struggling to understand the concept of what they had done until you described it with beans.

@fesshole This akin to scanning a 28p can of baked beans but then bagging a £1 premium brand at the self checkout

I've never once shoplifted. But I do swap large, premium eggs into the budget egg boxes at the supermarket, and have done for 20 years. No idea if staff care or notice, they've never said anything.

@Muppetiers Surely Dorgu’s wages coming in will almost cancel that out???

Salary coverage of Antony’s loan, now approved with him set to travel, will account for freeing up financial space for a significant chunk for Dorgu. £100k/week or so off the books for the remainder of the season crucial to the ability to pursue a signing at all.

@fesshole It’s wok she would’ve wanted

I had a Chinese takeaway in the evening after my Nan's funeral. It felt weirdly wrong.

@AdamLavis Interested!

Thinking about doing some Zooms in Jan to help writers kickstart their year. Open to talk about setting goals, how to manage your time, how to network etc. Let me know if that’s of interest to you and we can figure out the details :)

@_ToddRivers @fesshole Did Sue report to Thornton Reed or Wonton?

@fesshole In my first job, my manager was called Sue, her manager was called Sue, the Director was called Sue and so was the CEO. Genuinely never been more confused about who I was helping when I got asked if I could do this job for Sue

I'm a hiring manager with a team of nine. Two are called Tom. I recently interviewed a candidate for my team. He was almost perfect but I can't hire him because he is also called Tom and two Tom's are enough.

@daytimesnaps Some way to announce Piers Morgan’s return to morning television

@MrJonnieB @fesshole Welcome to the Blindboy Podcast.

@fesshole Simply get a second charger, you vast Malcolm

I always make sure my wife's electric toothbrush is on charge, rather than mine. She's doesn't know. It's my little secret way of expressing how much I love her.

@DundeeCulture The number is much higher…11 footballers get to cruise in Dundee every 2nd Saturday at Dens

Source: The Courier thecourier.co.uk/fp/news/dundee…

🚨🛳❤️ NEW: Fantastic to learn that this year will see a record number of cruise ships arriving in Dundee this year as 16 cruise visits are scheduled for the city! #Dundee

@anon_opin …Stephen Merchant writes (I agree with OP)

After Life is the most overrated pile of mawkish toss ever written. A series of increasingly clichéd and self-indulgent scenes where the main character just spouts Ricky Gervais' own long-spoken views on atheism etc. Baffling that it was hailed as some kind of masterpiece.

@Earl32315896 @TheNath @anon_opin You get put in jail for saying things like that, these days.

@UnitedStandMUFC @TheAthleticFC Plot twist: Patrice Evra came to visit and it was what he requested

🚨 BREAKING: #mufc are under investigation by Trafford Council after several people alleged they became unwell after being served raw chicken at an Old Trafford event. [@TheAthleticFC]

@anon_opin @timkeyperson

If you unsure who the biggest twat in your friendship group is go for a curry and see who judo chops the popadoms.

@Superior_Logic @DundeeFC Might have actually been against St Mirren at home over 20 years ago in the Caniggia season

@DundeeFC I can't remember a time where Dundee have won by more than 4 goals in the top flight. How many years?

Full Time Dundee 4 - 0 St Mirren #thedee

@fesshole Brothel-in-law

Never liked my sister's husband but we now have a weird unintended connection after we caught each other at a brothel. I can't tell my sister as he'd then tell my wife. It's the nuclear-style mutual assured destruction writ large.

@haveigotnews 🖕

After Scotland qualify for Euro 2024, fans get ahead of the curve and book the first flights home after the group stage.

@randiitog @fesshole There are no cameras that are looking over the desk or what the contestants are writing

@fesshole Yeah, with TV cameras on and the lot, you thought you'd try your chances on the off chance your opponent was half arsed. Of course ya did sport.

I cheated on Countdown. I claimed to have got the maths section, but just said I did it the same way as the other contestant, and waved a piece of paper at them with some numbers on. I won the game and wouldn't have without this round. I now own a fraudulently obtained tea pot.