David McMurray 🦔

@AtnsXBT Yes yes yes rarely sometimes

every male over 30’s common enemies: - being tired at 9pm - 3am toilet trip that fully wakes you up - being cold and warm at the same time - start talking about weather analysis - opening the fridge every 10 minutes as if something new will appear

@drugssextears also change shit you can't accept

not now bro im accepting shit i can’t change

@suchnerve This is almost like returning the shopping cart in a different way. Like a test of basic theory of mind. Speakers are for sharing, headphones are for you. Fill the air with the sound if everyone in that air is up for it, keep it to yourself if it's for yourself.

Thinking about the time I asked an old man why he listens to everything out loud and takes every call on speakerphone, and he told me it’s because he thinks earbuds cause brain cancer. Me:

@wayfarer679 I want to get off Mr. Speaker's Wild Ride.

Abolish Congress and I'm not joking.

@KeruboSk Trusting the past self is a fools errand

ocd and you lock the door, walk away, then come back to check it… and suddenly you don’t trust the version of you that just checked it 3 seconds ago

Please do something bombastic, old frens

@zerocheri Your mom lmao (no I'm so sorry if she's like that)

at my lowest rn who wanna manipulate me

@xnumb9 just for a century

are you having human feelings you godlike demon

@humanxmaybe good work soldier

i stopped taking my lithium and now i’m building an ark for God

@FeralPHunter I got you bro

gun to your head would you kiss my forehead

He turned his room into a goon cave

@cowdealer It's a trap

The only person I want back in my life just texted me after a year of not talking to tell me she loves me and misses me

@gag0rder Must be a monster rig

bf is quite literally baking me like a rotisserie chicken in his room having his pc running with no ac on

@interestingmids Don't tell them our superpower

I love being uncircumcised. I can prolly hide like 15 xanax’s in my kangaroo pouch

@beyoumf redacted

weirdest thing that gets you angry?

@FromKulak It's supposed to be symbolism!!! (symbolism (en): a vessel for projection)

The average cancer child suffers more than Jesus and doesn't get to come back three days later to deliver a little wink to loved ones. Most motorcycle accidents suffer more The idea that a symbolic 3 hours by one guy alters the human condition or guilts us all is laughable

@_falsi1ke Yeah for someone

Do you believe there's life after death?

@uxiedus2 Hope yall are ok that's extra deep, anyone hearing that has to be hurting. Also, yes, btw

anyone else hear their mom calling them in random ass songs

@OGsDontFold Can't

what the fuck is loitering? you're telling me i can't just stand here for a second??

@_Chemist1 orphans

The isolated family member is usually the most awakened.