Davis Hudson

The great thing about @SXMJamON is you can leave the car for several minutes without worrying about missing the end of a song.

Can't say I've ever been prouder of the Univ of Alabama students - a powerful statement to stand against a longstanding system of injustice

BREAKING: Elliot Spillers is the new SGA president. More info to come

*pulls up alongside you at a red light blasting an audio book*

one more hotdog left who wants it [jesus speed walks across jeff's pool]

text: you're more likely to die in a car crash then a plane crash reply: ha I think u mean THAN- [CRASHES CAR] [PLANE CRASHES INTO WRECKAGE]

[Girlfriend looks at me in disgust] "Did u just propose using emojis?" ... "Technically its called a propoji, but yes" [She's already gone]

[bagel shop] I'll have an everything bagel please "Ok" *truck starts backing up and beeping with bagel w/ literally everything on it" Wait

*loses touch with reality* *awkwardly runs into reality at the grocery store* R: "So... how are things?" ME: "I'm growing tigers in my car."

man...im so hungry i could- *i catch eye contact with a horse* "you could what?" *shows his gun* i could.. eat a sandwich "thought so."

[by water cooler] jeff: I hate shoe shopping with my wife ben: I hate it more adam who controversially married an octopus: not as much as me

Cop: your under arrest Me: you're* under arrest 2nd Cop: [handcuffing 1st cop] sorry Ed, but he's right

what's on your back? "a katana" what? "it's a japanese sword used...you know what *takes back résumé* I don't think I wanna work here"

Larry Ellison apparently steps down as CEO of Oracle

I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."

Apple Watch

iPhone 6 Plus - first of the big announcements today

2 liveblogs open, ready for this Apple event

"What should we call this thing in the ocean that is land?" How about island? "Seems too obvious" What if we pronounced it weird "Perfect"