DJDumpSack (Diesel)

Last night unexpectedly fucked a female friend of over 10 years What are the odds I can call her dude today and text her like normally would and she’s not going to act all weird Slim to none right? Advice welcome

@InvestingAddict My IRA is plummeting and I couldn’t care less , I just wish I had more cash on hand to keep buying right now

Can someone please explain to me why 20 year olds are sad the market is going down?

For ten years, an elderly man listened to a voicemail from his late wife every single day. When it was accidentally deleted, eleven engineers spent three days working nonstop to recover it

I’m sorry what backed mortgages?

@therickster1953 Would be like fucking Kangaroo Jack. Pass thanks

I find slightly obese girls like this very attractive

@InternetH0F He’s a bigger loser ever gotten as much shine and attention as Anthony Bourdain?

At 17, while working as a dishwasher at a wedding reception, Anthony Bourdain came across the bride and the chef hooking up by the trash. That moment confirmed he was in the right line of work

@TimothyJones92 You see a few of this as you get older. Always ends in them just cutting off the guys who slept with their wife for good in adulthood Not old enough to see how it ends yet but all I know who live this life now are seemingly doing it in ignorant bliss (out of site out of mind)

One of the weirdest things I see too often is dudes wifing up a girl that one of their homies has smashed. I have a pledge brother that dates a girl who slept with two of our pledge brothers when we were pledges. Sometimes when we pregame we're all together and I just think it's weird. If a girl has slept with one of my good friends, there's a 0% chance I'd ever wife her up

Whenever I lose a bet gambling and audibly curse my dog runs over to comfort me. Every time. That’s the love I need and deserve

@TateTheTalisman I’m not gay or retarded

I’m hiring. Won’t give the job description. Post underneath why you think you’re qualified to work for me. 2 positions available.

@enjoyer_liberty Being hungover golfing has lead to some of my best rounds. Forces you to lock in and fight early and before you know it you’re putting up a good number and in the zone. Jordan flu game level grit

Worst places to have a hangover: • airport/on a flight • playing golf • at work • at a wedding • kid’s birthday party • stuck in traffic • church What else??

Be great today.

@HullAndHeritage Fat bottom girls… they make the rockin world go round

They took this away from us

You can literally just come home drunk from the bar and make shrimp in 5 minutes instead of getting Taco Bell, fatty

@Mlu__N2 Don’t know how blessed you are if you have someone in your family who loves their family enough to do all of this

15 trees will be planted in her honour. The city will be named after her.

Someone's future wife enjoying in club

@Degen_CPA Eww

I should just settle down with an old girl around 26/27. The young ones are too much trouble.

@GrumpyX_eth @DeanTTraining Add some onion and jalapeño on there and you’re levitating

@DeanTTraining It’s so easy

Every man has 2 lives… The second begins when he learns to make his own burgers from the comfort of his home that provide max deliciousness without all the excess calories

Hoeflation so bad you have the baddest man on the planet with a racket in his hand hanging out with a bunch of 5’s

@MLFootball @bengaljims_BTR @BengalsCaptain @thebengalorian @gameonjmoney @TonyDaTiger96 @BengalsMVP I told you Joe was Gay

🚨TRENDING: Cincinnati #Bengals star quarterback Joe Burrow is back together with his girlfriend model/influencer Olivia Ponton recently. Ponton was previously an employee of Burrow; and they dated: Olivia recently publicly identified as pansexual. Burrow and Ponton last night:

@OffTheBenchKXnO @VandalHoops What in the cuck did I just watch

The much requested SEXY SOUTH Region of Lucas' girlfriend filling out her #marchmadness bracket based on hottest coaches Big game tonight @VandalHoops

@TrevorLeePro Young male history teachers did this and there was always one female English teacher who was an alumni or the school who would do it too

I remember teachers use to just quit during March Madness days they’d roll in a tv and we would watch ball. Was that just a NC thing or was that happening everywhere?