driverfilms

🏎️ CarJong Classic – Score: 17500 | Time: 1:39 (PB: 1:39) Can you beat me? Play free at carcophony.github.io/carjong/carjon…

@fesshole Somebody was hoping for a Goodyear!

Condoms are cheap in bulk so I bought a box of 144 for £10. New GF some months later wanted to help me organize my cupboards and was horrified seeing that many. Never lived it down.

@MrJamesMay Is that some kind of dance move?

I’ve done the oven.

Seen a few adverts for UK Politics Simulator. Must be an easy game, just do the opposite to what Kier Stalin is doing. #SimulatorGames.

@mozi78 The Gingerbread one is good too!

Birthday cake grenade bar has rather surprised me!

🏎️ CarJong Classic – Score: 5850 | Time: 3:20 (PB: 3:20) Can you beat me? Play free at carcophony.github.io/carjong/carjon…

@fesshole And everyone thinks your a twat

I have a canoe on top of my car, it's never been in a drop of water, I just like people to think I have an exciting hobby.

@JamesGAyling @fesshole He is probably cycling Mikey

@fesshole When I was a kids’ coach there were parents that DID have cars but just didn’t give a crap about doing anything for their kids. Presumably this guy doesn’t even own a car, maybe because he can’t afford to run one.

In my child's football team there is a cycling fundamentalist who refuses to go anywhere if he can't cycle. Fine, and very admirable. Except we all have to take it in turns to pick up his child for away games.

@Only9built Well with people panick buying fuel I'll go with.. The LM002. Because nobody will tell you to get out of the way at forecourt!

@fesshole Leisure Suit Larry?

Was a computer programmer as a student and helped a big company produce a hugely successful ZX Spectrum game - for a laugh managed to put a pixelated cock in one of the backgrounds and it has NEVER been noticed.

@fesshole Someone said something so stupid you face-palmed too hard?

I currently have a massive bruise on my forehead. I got it by walking into a door while not paying attention. But I can't tell anyone that, because everyone knows that "walked into a door" is code for domestic abuse. So I have to invent some plausible fake reason for the injury.

@Only9built Damnit

Do you remember the old puzzle game "15" or Puzzle 15? You have to slide the tiles into the vacant black space, move them around until you complete the picture. Easy right?? Well you can find out here⬇️ Link in the reply

New ad by the Norwegian Consumer Council: "A Day in the Life of an Ensh*ttificator"

🎉 Carcophony Garage Reveal I identified the Bristol Fighter in 5.3s! 4/60 tiles revealed Play now: carcophony.github.io/Carcophony-Gam…

@Only9built 🏆 I completed the Ferrari Collection in Carcophony Top Trumps! Can you beat my time? 🏁 carcophony.github.io/Carcophony-Gam…

@fesshole Another day at the fish market?

I've no idea why one end of the gusset on knickers isn't sewn shut but it's dead useful. When I worked a market stall I'd pop into the loos at the end of the day and put a roll of £50 notes in there for safe keeping on my way home.

@fesshole Not going like the clappers then

Four years ago I bought my wife a small glass bell and told her that she could ring it any time day or night and I would come and pleasure her. That bell has never sounded.

@Only9built Top one

For me the best of the E-Type was the Series 3 V12 but... Top or Topless..??

@fesshole Ring of Fire?

Hubby was worried that the kids would lock themselves in the toilet, so ours has no bolt. Instead, we sing to let others know it's occupied. My husband sings Moon River, which is lovely. I sing Golden Brown by The Stranglers. Probably not what they had in mind.

Get a letter through the letter box. One of those credit card companies. If o don't want to receive anymore mail I've got to go online and 'Opt out' of further letters. Why tf should I have to opt out of something I've never opted in for? #Spamletters