Michael B Beckwith retweetledi

something insane always happens on my birthdays
- got outed at work last year bc i gotten shitfaced at a party and my boss’ boss invited me to another bar (i declined) and we recognized each other at work
- almost drowned in mud. was wearing all white.
- ex had a manic episode and dumped me around my bday so she could be god (first lesbian relationship during covid so it was 20x worse)
- burned my lashes off at some hibachi place
- great grandma died so i had to cancel my 21st birthday trip
- some kid shit in the pool at the place i was having my bday so we all had to stand by the pool for 2 hours
- did a cruise during my bday, dad messed up my dinner reservations so for some reason to make it up he took the family to … jamaican hooters? i was like 9 or 10 and it chemically altered my brain. had no clue a woman’s areolas could be so big. god bless. also the jerk wings were fantastic.
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