Dave V

@iamAtheistGirl Like any new girlfriend is going to say “yeah, but a fresh pair of batteries and a Dettol wet wipe, it’ll be fine” …

omg so he went through all the drawers and cabinets of my apartment looking for things he bought me… y’all HE TOOK THE VIBRATOR not the tennis shoes not the towels the vibrator lol jfc 🤦‍♀️

@Alph4betSoup And you yours!

@dvenman Oh damn, the staying put bit is important, hope you get to enjoy it more this year!

He is back on the road (again) after a three month hiatus. Good day for it too ☀️

@MrsFlowers007 Love a bit of physical theatre. Look out for @OckhamsRazorUK or gravityandothermyths.com if that's your thing

@MrsRatters @RodRapid1784 @AbsolutelyVexed No, not really. It’s a hoax. A few moments digging sorted that for me.

@RodRapid1784 @AbsolutelyVexed Oh, really Stalin? Just at the time you will get annihilated at the local elections. Like we can’t see through you ffs

😡😡

Raise your hand if you have original art in your house

@GLB_88 If I posted my noods I’d get arrested, not paid. Outraging public decency.

Squashed against the door on the fast Met line out of the city pondering how much my noods will get!

@gregbagwell Great blog about this here - armscontrol.org/blog/2026-03-1…

So, two things happened today that add a lot more detail about the path to war in Iran. And neither of them suggest that it was justified or legal. Legality is rightly a fundamental constraint for the military, even when asked to do a politically expedient thing. 🧵1/7

@JDIrwinbooks Might be able to get a few quid for the iMac to help. I’m a Mac bigot and don’t care who knows it - good choice :)

I've cut to the chase and bought a new iMac 24. 2 year guarantee. Can't beat John Lewis. I've said my piece.

@JDIrwinbooks If you have a technically literate friend, there might be ways to get the iMac running a later version of Mac OS. Check dortania.github.io/OpenCore-Legac… to see if your iMac might be supported.

IT bods. Can't download Office 365 on my 14yo iMac & can't update my operating system to accommodate it. Google says updates on its security system aren't now available & leaves it vulnerable. Is that BS, or should I get a new one in view of its age? PS I am a technonumpty.

@3violetMistyblu Not at all humorous.

Ouch funny bone Not funny 😩

@Veritas_helper @fesshole I’d love to know what drugs you’re taking to come to that view. Reform leadership and Farage especially are in it for one thing, and one thing only. Themselves. And the money and power they crave.

@fesshole If you are genuinely a vicar, which i highly doubt then you need to look at changing your profession. There is only 1 main party that i can see that will protect Christianity within the UK & that is Reform. Like it or not, the others have surrendered to islamists pure & simple.

I'm a vicar in a small rural village. I could never say this to my flock because of the outcry, but Reform are blatantly opposed to genuine Christian values and it's clear that anyone considering voting for them has not been listening to a single word I say each week

@perrigame Did you go a little further, to Portland Bill? Lovely round there.

Some beautiful spots along the Weymouth coastline🩵

It’s been on my bucket list to go to the arcades on Weymouth Beach (dream big, kids) and have fish & chips by the sea and I finally got to do it - and he won me a toy 🥹😍

@3violetMistyblu @gilescoren And then I’ll tell you - but only you, here on Twitter - my nine

@3violetMistyblu @gilescoren Go on then …

Old bollock head! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 @gilescoren Got me again! But I’m not telling you mine…😈 Sure, we’ve all got nine secrets — here are mine thetimes.com/article/cba7b4…

@nkh12349 @stats_feed I’ve got 12 inches, but don’t use it as a rule

@stats_feed We all know penis centimetres are not the same as actual centimetres 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Average penis size (erect length in cm): 🇪🇨 Ecuador: 17.61 🇨🇲 Cameroon: 16.67 🇧🇴 Bolivia: 16.51 🇭🇹 Haiti: 16.01 🇸🇳 Senegal: 15.89 🇨🇺 Cuba: 15.87 🇳🇱 Netherlands: 15.87 🇫🇷 France: 15.74 🇨🇦 Canada: 15.71 🇪🇬 Egypt: 15.69 🇬🇪 Georgia: 15.61 🇮🇹 Italy: 15.35 🇧🇷 Brazil: 15.22 🇸🇪 Sweden: 15.08 🇲🇽 Mexico: 14.92 🇩🇰 Denmark: 14.88 🇦🇷 Argentina: 14.88 🇸🇻 El Salvador: 14.88 🇷🇸 Serbia: 14.87 🇦🇹 Austria: 14.53 🇩🇪 Germany: 14.52 🇦🇺 Australia: 14.46 🇳🇬 Nigeria: 14.38 🇨🇭 Switzerland: 14.35 🇳🇴 Norway: 14.34 🇵🇱 Poland: 14.29 🇺🇦 Ukraine: 13.97 🇪🇸 Spain: 13.85 🇫🇮 Finland: 13.77 🇮🇳 India: 13.71 🇺🇸 USA: 13.58 🇯🇵 Japan: 13.56 🇻🇪 Venezuela: 13.33 🇷🇺 Russia: 13.21 🇰🇷 South Korea: 13.16 🇬🇧 UK: 13.13 🇨🇳 China: 13.07 🇹🇷 Turkey: 12.99 🇵🇰 Pakistan: 12.20 🇮🇷 Iran: 11.95 🇮🇩 Indonesia: 11.67 🇹🇭 Thailand: 11.45 🇧🇩 Bangladesh: 11.20 🇱🇰 Sri Lanka: 10.89 🇵🇭 Philippines: 10.85 🇲🇲 Myanmar: 10.70 🇰🇭 Cambodia: 10.04 Source: WorldData

@LucyChalice @nationaltrust Shades of “The World According to Garp”

So, and this might be because I have the sense of humour of a teenage boy sometimes, I have sniggered about this for ages. @nationaltrust you might need to calm down a tad with your email headers… 👀👀👀

@Alph4betSoup Can I borrow your responses please, they’re sound and thought through!

If you are in the UK and you enjoy completing forms with your views, you should complete this online form with your views. Especially those of you in the privacy / infosec / security realm(s). gov.uk/government/con…

@techspence I work for Stryker*. Does this apply to me? *I don’t

Yes, you should lock your computer when you get up and walk away while at the office. No, you're not gonna get hacked in the 3 minutes that you're gone from your desk getting some water. YMMV

@heartshapedoll I raised my eyebrows big time at that …

i’m not even booked in and i want to cancel my appointment