Earl Fando 🇺🇦

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Earl Fando 🇺🇦

Earl Fando 🇺🇦

@earlfando

You've read worse. The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas. Squirrel whisperer. Veracity of tweets & profile may vary. Never explain a joke.

I'm in my happy place! Katılım Nisan 2009
537 Takip Edilen744 Takipçiler
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
You mess with Harpo Marx, you get the horns.
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
Aliens tried to probe Chuck Norris once. The wreckage of their ship is at Area 51.
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
Some magicians do a trick where they catch a bullet in their teeth, or as Chuck Norris calls it, breakfast.
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Melissa
Melissa@JustAMomNamedMM·
Is everyone still kung fu fighting or not?
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
100% of respondents to a poll believe that Chuck Norris could win a fight against a bear. The interesting part? The respondents were all bears.
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
Unlike James Bond, Chuck Norris does not need a license to kill. He only needs a reason.
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
Not only does Chuck Norris step on Superman’s cape, he wipes his feet on it, cleaning off Jim’s blood.
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
Chuck Norris never actually makes contact with people when he roundhouse kicks them. They’re pummeled by the air pressure he generates.
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
Someone once tried to torture Chuck Norris by hooking battery cables to his genitals. He jump started 12 cars and a tractor trailer.
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Bob Golen
Bob Golen@BobGolen·
Dying is deadly
Bob Golen tweet media
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George Wallace
George Wallace@MrGeorgeWallace·
Why were The Flintstones the only cartoon that got a vitamin? I'd eat the hell outta some Mr. Magoo calcium tablets and whatnot.
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Stephen Green
Stephen Green@VodkaPundit·
Looks like there’s gonna be some hardcore use of the Mute feature tonight.
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James Lucas
James Lucas@JamesLucasIT·
We grew up watching hand drawn Disney and now it's just gone. We don't talk about this enough.
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦 retweetledi
mariana Z
mariana Z@mariana057·
Cyclops: how do you spell Hawaii? Wife: Well, you need 2 I’s. Cyclops: (Puts pen down) My life is just a joke to you, isn’t it Kim??
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
So now @elonmusk and his band of vandals have gotten rid of DMs and replaced it with this garbage “chat?” Stop making the product worse. How about that for a business model?
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Bob Golen
Bob Golen@BobGolen·
White's move. Mate in two.
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Earl Fando 🇺🇦
Earl Fando 🇺🇦@earlfando·
R.I.P. Chuck Norris. You’re going to see quite a few people making jokes at his expense now that he’s gone and they feel safe enough to get away with them.
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