glanceatwatch

Competition and individualism is so indelibly imbued in the American psyche that generosity here is not just anathema, it's tantamount to suicide.

The idea that following the news makes you a responsible adult is like claiming that trimming your nails with a nail clipper makes you a surgeon.

‘I Lie Awake Dreaming of the Rules’ is my fav album by The White Shadows @perfect_brains

@EverythingOOC gesundheit

@OffMenuOfficial home life with the genie... youtube.com/shorts/4DQSMCF…

@beansaladpod whew! Nearly saw in 2024 without having experienced "plaid" as a verb. Thanks, Beans!

similar sensation can be achieved by crisping your aqueous humour with a hair dryer

let me guess: your dog's name is Luna.

spoonerism for a popular computer action

If it's not broke, why fix it? Answer: because you're a successful tech company trying to seem "cutting edge" by reinventing the wheel to look more like a square.

@rayolearycomedy Never read anything more perfectly confusing that also makes perfect sense.

Apologise to your followers for asking them to listen to a banana themed podcast so you could win points on a comedy show. Best apology wins. Your time starts now #taskmasternz

@Sarah_Kendall brotato.fandom.com/wiki/Gentle_Al…

Gentle.

@Sarah_Kendall Couldn't agree more. When I wondered if I needed to buy another tube and found a spare sitting in my bathroom drawer, it was like getting to open a lil valentine I'd sent myself that'd patiently waited some 10ish weeks to arrive.

I feel so good about myself when I buy toothpaste in advance. Like, before there’s no toothpaste in the house.

@alanakicks @Sarah_Kendall That's the one piece of Life Advice I've managed to engrain in my 5-year-old niece's mind so far: there is always ... always ... allllways, a little more toothpaste.

@SoVeryBritish -You have a talent for playing fast and loose with the facts.

Polite ways to say “that's a lie” -Really? -That's not strictly true -That's not what I heard -Did you though? -Maybe I'm remembering wrong -Interesting -I took it to mean something different -That’s not my understanding -Hmm -We may have heard different things -I think you’ll find… -Recollections may vary -That’s one way of interpreting it -If you say so

@rhysjamesy Indeed lol. It's like subscribing to ownership.

@northmackenzie ...and the famous Bettysburg Address. Fingers crossed John Waters & Daniel Day-Lewis make this happen. Make some Illinoiz, grrl! 💃

if she were a president she’d be

@beansaladpod @ncntxt3bnsalad @machcomedyfest "one milks" is such a satisfyingly frustrating phrase to roll around in one's brain

Audio from our live show at @machcomedyfest earlier this year is now up on Patreon for Sean Bean tier subscribers. Features some fairly shocking revelations about how one milks a sheep. patreon.com/posts/live-sho…

@Wozniophile I simply love that face.

Good Morning!