Melinda Gwin

@Scopuli @Aella_Girl Sex-negative culture and gender conditioning. Women are taught to be pure (frigid) and to anticipate others' needs while ignoring their own. These all make it harder to enjoy sex, and that leads to being cold/boring. Seeking one's own pleasure is necessary to be exciting in bed.

@Aella_Girl Why are most women the exact opposite? Or is that why men have those preferences? Because they're rare qualities?

it's possible! In general, the sexual fantasy for men is a woman who is receptive, reactive, and aggressive. If you are a woman and want to be good at sex you should: 1. be easily aroused 2. be fully physically relaxed such that you react quickly and authentically to all the subtle things he does, 3. and you should be slightly more dominant than you think you need to be - meaning express strong, independent desires, initiate sexual activities where he doesn't have to do very much, and do not depend on him to trigger your sex drive

@artbypep It actually reduced my efficacy to care that much—it increased my propensity to burnout and made each crash last longer than it needed to. There was genuinely no positive aspect of living like that.

Instead of having resources on how to build systems to account for your issues, you try your best to -care harder- Which is a fun double whammy of being only incidentally and marginally effective, and on top of that, leaving you even more vulnerable to manipulation.

Something that doesn’t get talked about enough is how bad the downstream effects of this can be. When every authority figure in your life is disputing your lived experience (eg: you’re trying your hardest but being told you’re just lazy and don’t care) you end up not trusting your own perception of reality. This leaves you extremely vulnerable to people who benefit from that. Abusive partners, toxic friendships, exploitative workspaces, etc all have WAY more power to harm people who have internalized that they should defer to other people’s perception of a situation over their own.

@artbypep Stop talking about me. I don't like thinking about those times. Seriously, if I'd known I was autistic as a kid, so many terrible decisions would've been so much easier to avoid.

Facts. What you're seeing in Francis and Leo's 'wokeness' is literally the gates of Hell, in the form of American politicization of religion, not prevailing against the church—despite huge chunks of the church's body having no idea what's actually in their catechism.

@occamschainsaaw Did you laugh? I'd have laughed.

i got told by a neurologist that my heart rate skyrockets when i stand up not because of orthostatic tachycardia but because i must have “anxiety about standing up”.

@doom_gazer Seriously. Everybody knows this. You can't give head without figuring this out.

Wait people didn't know that? Are they stupid?

@singingsox I'm not blaming them either! I'm glad people are figuring out they're zebras without having to go through what I went through. And I'm happy docs aren't as ignorant now. But it's a trend cycle that happens repeatedly. I'm looking forward to it dying down and the contempt fading.

@gwingrin I mean, I’m not gonna blame Billie Eilish or gen z also looking for answers. I sure wish there was awareness when I tore my ACL in high school and started fainting in college. I’m a voice teacher & not surprised Eilish has it… a ton of us do. A stretchy larynx can help w range

I mean. I saw this coming when Billie Eilish was diagnosed w/ EDS. Sia was good. A lot more doctors knew about the condition after that. Helped me out. But Billie Eilish initiated the kids and led to predictable foolishness. Diseases trend like everything else. Contempt follows.

@radialaktiv @womanxgod MCAS/POTS/hEDS are the most common trifecta, and we know epigenetics plays a big role in EDS at minimum (trauma, especially). There's evidence for epigenetics in autism too + a genetic link between those two conditions. You can google keywords and pull the science. It's a lot.

@gwingrin @womanxgod oh thats so interesting! my mom has MCAS and i am autistic so i wonder if thats related. could u link where i can read more about this, if its easy for you to do?

this and its 900 comments are exactly why we need more awareness regarding the relationship between physical illness and autism, as well as chronic illnesses commonly clumping together.

@khaaags I was an insomniac from childhood until I reached spiritual milestones that felt like enlightenment, but I've since learned were only significant progress. Enlightenment involves sound self-care; that means adequate physical sleep. Those who say otherwise are deluded (v. common).

does anyone who's 'awakened' have a regular sleep cycle? like 8-9 hours? only answer if you've claimed enlightenment

@DrDoyleSays I almost never talk about my past in therapy. Spent years doing that alone. It's not super helpful. Instead, I talk about what I'm doing to move forward, how I'm coping with that, strategies to do it better/faster, and how to accept my limitations. Works better.

There is no magic in "processing" trauma, & processing isn't the key to recovery for every survivor. Many have this fantasy that we all need to psychologically return to the "scene of the crime" to move on, but that's simply not true for everyone-- & it keeps us looking backward.

@radialaktiv @womanxgod It's even suspected that EDS causes autism in some of us. Because the brain has connective tissue. And/or because of in utero autoimmune issues (like, for example, maternal MCAS). We don't quite know yet, but it looks like this is basically one poorly defined disorder.

@womanxgod people like this pmo bc if they used a modicum of their brain theyd realize that a connective tissue disorder impacts the whole body and nervous system bc. oh idk. literally everything has connective tissues? 😭 almost all of my medical issues trace back to the EDS bro 😭😭

@socrdoc Wait wait. What in this cluster gets misdiagnosed as panic attacks? Asking because I'm in the EDS set and my anxiety treatment never, ever seems to do anything but create intolerable side-effects or worsen the problem. I'm not at all depressed and not prone to worrying either.

This is not overdiagnosis. It is underdiagnosis—and frequent misdiagnosis as “functional disorders,” panic attacks, or IBS. 5/15

I respectfully disagree. As a general pediatrician caring for a large neurodiverse population (ASD, ADHD, dyslexia, CAPD, concussion, anxiety), I’m seeing a very different reality over the last 5 years. 🧵1/14

"I'm okay, I just may not be able to use this thumb again today." At physical therapy, it got hurt so badly I could no longer hold a hollowed-out tennis ball. Therapist thought I was faking and said I should stop deliberately pulling my joints the wrong way. Just EDS things.

Watching recordings of an OCIA class online because I wanted to know what Catholics are taught. The priest is telling his students CPS is evil and welfare destroys society right now. I don't remember seeing that in the catechism.

@cpk @orphcorp That one's not a bad lesson: Do what must be done, however unpleasant. One strike, well-planned, can save a nation. But wield your sword with care. As discussed in other parts of the book. The Bible really doesn't teach Christian moral systems though. They'd mostly hate that.

[Judith] went up to the bedpost near Holofernes’s head and took down his sword that hung there. She came close to his bed, took hold of the hair of his head, and said, “Give me strength today, O Lord God of Israel!”  Then she struck his neck twice with all her might and cut off his head. Next she rolled his body off the bed and pulled down the canopy from the posts. Soon afterward she went out and gave Holofernes’s head to her maid, who placed it in her food bag.

something that pains me is seeing many of my atheist late-20s/early-30s male friends struggling, while the solutions to many of their problems are described in the Bible yet they are completely closed off to the idea of extracting wisdom from any religious and/or spiritual framework scientific materialism and its consequences

@mr_worldwide_01 @angelcakecals This is brilliant and why I've generally found romance easier--I don't want a partner I'm not actively into and who isn't genuinely into me, so it's easiest to weed out bad matches by behaving naturally. Friendship, though? I worry more, because most folks can be fun as a friend.

@angelcakecals Look as a fellow autist I’ll be honest, part of the reason can be just mental block. I feel the same as you on romantic relationships, but I find that friendships comeeasier because I don’t try to gain approval & impress as much

Being autistic has absolutely impacted my ability to make friends and have a relationship. No, connecting with other autistic people does not fix this deficit in my social ability. Some autistics are even harder to get along with. This affects me greatly in all aspects of life.

@OrionWhiteWolf @angelcakecals I straight up ask people I'm close to what their face means. Strangers are a wash because I don't want them to think I'm rude or confrontational. But just asking with family and friends is so much easier. I'm trying to get brave enough to ask friendly acquaintances too.

@angelcakecals Talking to people online is generally more easier. I especially struggle with eye contact and reading people's faces. Online I at least have time to think about what they might mean but irl I can't just stare off into space for like 5 minutes to think about how they're feeling

@angelcakecals @OrionWhiteWolf Exactly! Rules/patterns can be learned but there really isn't time in person. For the past few years, I've been v. open about being autistic and tell people about my specific problem areas early/often/apologetically/with humor. That helps people empathize. But it's still hard.

@OrionWhiteWolf I had to learn like step by step how to make friends and get people to like me, but I only know how to apply this online, because if I tried irl I don't have enough thinking time and I just don't want to be around people frequently enough for that

@angelcakecals @1PotatoDog Oh, man. Flashbacks. They always assumed I wasn't interested, I think. But I just honestly didn't understand relationship maintenance (you have to reach out too?!) and assumed they were glad I was gone because of previous social conditioning from others.

@1PotatoDog I think what sucks is that I've had several people explicitly try to include me and reach out in my case and I am just incapable of taking that opportunity