descendant of cain

write your goals on little pieces of paper and put them in a jar then at the end of the year use them as kindling to burn your house down

Sorry if you see me celebrating on the anniversary of Charlie Kirk's death but that's also the day I quit vaping

@kamiekaymee 🖤🖤🖤

I haven't felt this sad in years.

Anyone can be a sugar daddy but it takes a real man to be a sugar father.

@englishjg @conanobrienswyf Doing great man thanks!

Wow, I haven't tweeted in a long time. I've just been really busy trying to fast forward something on Hulu.

@Kappa_Kappa Put a bag of chips on your head

@LexiBarber2023 (Committed)

@glenna_opt Ah yes some may say the perfect date

first date idea: we never meet

Queen Elizabeth II Electric Boogaloo

@realaaronweber @NatelandPodcast Is this @brianbatescomic

a blink is pretty fast to be fair @NatelandPodcast

@kiralc @clydetombaugh Extremely happy for both of you!!!

a big thank you to everyone reaching out and sending love. and a very special thank you to @hatehug for all the advice and encouragement and to @clydetombaugh for being an example of unparalleled generosity

I WAS JUST APPROVED TO GIVE MY DAD MY RIGHT KIDNEY!! I’m elated right now, my dad gets the chance to get his life back after years of kidney disease and dialysis. CAN I GET A W IN THE COMMENTS????

@Maui_Speaks Long nap! I feel great!

I admire people who like to do things because I do not like to do things.

@itsanustart James Franco hung out with my brother who is a local rapper to help get into character for this movie. Also he didn't fuckin tell me when James was at his apartment and I'm never going to get over it

I just don't know how my wife deals with all this rugged sexiness. #rugged #sexiness #imeancomeon #toxicmasculinity #mywife #fordf150 #fordtough #notpaleo instagram.com/p/CcrW_JCuIk5/…

@Prof_Hinkley Omg did we just have a moment? Me, you and the Cap'n?

The box says Oops! All Berries but I bet they do that on purpose.

@theJoeBiz It's whoop-ass season!

@hatehug You got whoop-ass on your mind every February

Girls would need help opening it if whoop-ass came in jars.

Somebody needs to invent Whooperware™️. I'm constantly opening up a can and only whooping a little ass then the rest goes bad on the kitchen counter.

Growing up, my mom always told me to keep my nose clean which was very helpful because the cocaine goes up there way easier that way.