Michelle

@BCBSMA web doesnt recognize me. At urgent care. No humans available to help on a Saturday. Please help?

@OnPatrolLive Penny is a huge fan!

“I gotta go get a green jacket.” LEGENDARY.

feels like Springtime in the District! Hail. @Commanders

Here's 10+ minutes of Norm Macdonald shitting on OJ Simpson

“Not that your aspirin point wasn’t genius, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Matthew Perry debating the topic of addiction with a dismissive Peter Hitchens in 2013

"You have to stop the q-tip when there's resistance!"- Chandler Bing (Fun Fact: This is Matthew Perry's favorite line in the show)

Back in the Studio. Better Place out 9/29.

FUCK THIS FUCKING GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING WORLD AND YEAR AND DECADE AND FUCK THIS NOISE ALL OVER

WFT starting 2-6 and still gonna make the playoffs

Putting the Brady-comes-back-to-New-England montage to Adele’s “Hello” is the funniest thing I have ever heard

@AdamSchefter Annual Josh Gordon reinstatement tweet

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So about that time Steve went off to college… #BluesClues25

@AskCapitalOne banked with y’all for years and I can’t figure out why a replacement debit card I had requested Aug 19 due to fraud is now delayed from September 2 until Sept 8, and the day is changing daily. This is a joke. I need a new one ASAP.

Max Scherzer was the greatest free agent signing in #Nats history. One of the best in #MLB history. He's given DC baseball fans more than anybody else. Thank you, Max. Go win another ring.

The upset of the Olympics is how good Michael Phelps is on the broadcast. Go back and watch those old Subway commercials. They basically gave him no lines because he was super awkward. Now he's dropping insightful commentary live.