Helen Meytanis

@Times_CS I’d really like to access the concise crossword from Friday 30th edition. Deleting and reinstalling the app makes no difference. I pay £30 a month for this glitchy app!

What can I do to stop this? I’m expecting mortgage documents and God knows where they have ended up.

@PostOffice Yesterday I had post for my house number but a different address (which happens frequently) so I put a note near the letterbox requesting only post for my address. Today I had post for a totally different address and post code but for the same house number.

… BTW it only started happening in the past few days - older versions are not affected. Bit rubbish when my monthly subscription has leapt from £26 to £30 per month. @thetimes @thetimesplus

@thetimes Is there an issue with The Times classic app? The puzzles aren’t in the usual order and some (I.e. Cell Blocks) are not interactive at all. And yes, I have deleted and reinstalled the app!

@fesshole Ghost shit

I've taken delight in producing submarine shits. Ones so dense and aerodynamic this shoot around the toilet bend leaving no trace of their existence.

@fesshole Ghost shit

Sometimes when I do a big poo I look in the bowl and nothing is there, I then marvel at my bodies ability to produce a faeces with the perfect blend of aerodynamics and hydrodynamics that makes this possible.

🏡 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯. 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗛𝗼𝗺𝗲. Announcing our fundraiser to make the Dave Bryant Stadium fit for the future. Follow the link below: #UpTheTown

@gunsnrosesgirl3 V satisfying and my neck of the woods too!

Satisfying sign clean 📹 cleanscenelondon

@ETFCOfficial So close! That was nail-biting!

Wyllie’s penalty is saved. Prague win by the odd penalty in I genuinely don’t know how many. Credit to Prague, top bins merchants. Wyllie’s earned the right to have a bad moment this season 🫶🏼

@90sfootball @soccer_slammers @gmeytanis

These. Are. Incredible. Phenomenal work @soccer_slammers!

Mother’s Day is such offensively paltry remuneration for the job. Give me a month in the Seychelles you cunts

@EnfieldCouncil I was even given a reference number for collection then subsequently told I shouldn’t have been given that. Shameful service

@EnfieldCouncil What’s the point in subscribing? My garden waste bin was out for collection last week but not emptied. I was advised that it wasn’t out - even though I put it out myself! Then I was told it would be collected, then told it wouldn’t 🙄

If you produce garden waste you can subscribe to our Garden Waste Collection Service. Subscribing to the service by Direct Debit is the easiest and most convenient way to pay. Visit enfield.gov.uk/services/rubbi… #GreenerEnfield

@NoContextBrits Wankbadger or cockwomble

What is your favourite British insult?

Don't forget who he is (Part 1)

I think somebody at @thetimes just really can’t be bothered, yet again.

… or being asked to choose which cubicle to go for on day 4 of Glastonbury

@thetimes Just wondered where the puzzle section had disappeared to in today’s app edition of The Times?

Only elites remember this game.