Hugh Giddiot

*clears throat* Now would be an excellent opportunity for Chicago to rename ORD to O’Hara International Airport

@NBCNews Why divert? It’s impossible to open the door when the cabin is pressurized.

A United Airlines flight was forced to divert after a passenger allegedly tried to open a door at 36,000 feet, according to the FAA and air traffic control audio. nbcnews.com/news/us-news/u…

@Acyn Don’t give him any ideas

Senator Lisa Blunt Rochester: What this administration is doing is showing us what their priorities are. Their priorities are a gold-plated ballroom. Their priorities are a new reflecting pool, which we hope is not painted with the face of Donald Trump at the bottom.

@y0cuando @_maybe_not_ever Pronounce patio like ratio

Pronouncing oatmeal like Montreal

@ATRightMovies Val Kilmer. Oh, wait

@Cooper_Hime Flavors of Mountain Dew

@ArceneauxHayley @rookisaacman @oursoutheastern Is that Skecher University?

Serving as the commencement speaker for my alma mater was an incredible honor! I shared with about 16,000 people my story of resilience and saying yes to life’s unexpected opportunities. I’m SO proud to be an alumna of Southeastern Louisiana University 💚💛

@ATRightMovies Your mom?

What movie has the best opening sequence?

@OWHnews Ok.

Michaela Derickson and John Rokes met while playing sand volleyball at Wayne State College. omaha.com/life-entertain…

@luketress It’s spelled “Jacuzzi”

Several hundred demonstrators outside the New York Times to protest Kristof column

@_NatalieWould @WilliamAder I make mad Kool-Aid

Not to brag but I'm in prime condition to join a cult

@SundaeDivine It was complex

I’ll bet Oedipus's therapist charged him double on Mother's Day.

@ATRightMovies Her smile reminds me a lot of Kiera Knightly

SHELLEY DUVALL talking about endless takes and the difficulty she had filming The Shining (1980).

Do hospitals across the street from graveyards have a higher or lower rate of recovery?

@CARandDRIVER The batteries… they’re like your husband

Cadillac's Electric Lyriq SUV Gets the Hearse Treatment and Is Ready to Provide Your Last Car Ride caranddriver.com/news/a71258861…

I don't understand anything anymore

@omaha_scanner Construction is a sign of a growing city

IS THERE ANY ROAD IN OMAHA THAT ISN’T UNDER CONSTRUCTION. 🚧

@yoke_and_puck @SLCScanner I’m sure you would be to if you just Hoovered someone off the runway…

@SLCScanner Those pilots seem shakened. Hopefully Frontier gives them some assistance.

🚨 #BREAKING 🚨 #DenverAirport Frontier Airlines Flight 4345 hits person on runway — Engine fire reported. ATC Audio: • “Tower, Frontier 4345, we’re stopping on the runway.” • “Uh, there we just hit somebody… we have an engine fire.” Crew reports 231 souls on board + fuel remaining. Emergency trucks rolling. Developing situation. No official word yet on injuries or airport. This is serious. ✈️🔥 #Aviation #FrontierAirlines #Breaking

@turtledumplin We’re just a middleman. I open the can and dump it straight into the toilet.

How is it that you CHEW corn but you poop out whole kernels?

@SteveNomadic @ADavidsonIndy @OfficialJoelF The Republican version is touch ass

@ADavidsonIndy @OfficialJoelF There’s more to life than politics. Touch grass

Spirit plane just took off from FLL. It’s heading to storage in Arizona 🥀 The aircraft relocation is being handled by Nomadic Aviation Group

@daniel_eckler Should go without saying, but this is AI

POV: You're at the M3TH Gala