iChas (Charlotte Nassim)

Great piece by @thetimes columnist @edwardlucas about being on the campaign trail in an unusual constituency #GeneralElection4July

@PaulDub20 @VeteranIrish Indeed! I learned coding, Fortran, Pascal, Cobol - and Basic of course, in 1972. Got myself a Tandy Radio Shack computer in 1979. Been through the Olivettis, the Dells, countless other pcs and all the Macs. Don’t underestimate a lady because of her grey hair!

The old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw £10”. The teller told her “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM. The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “These are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”. The old lady remained silent for a few seconds handed her card back to the teller and said “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down, and respectfully told her “You have £300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow? The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to £3000. “Well please let me have £3000 now.” The teller kindly handed me £3000 very friendly and with a smile too. The old lady put £10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit £2990 back into her account. The moral of this story is.... Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skill. 😉

@ChrisWillx @MysteriosoX Wikipedia for lots more detail.

I have a new man crush. He died 60 years ago but you need to know his name. Lieutenant-General Sir Adrian Paul Ghislain Carton de Wiart was a British Army officer born in Belgium on May 5th 1880. He is one of the most decorated British soldiers of all time and was awarded 31 medals including the Victoria Cross, the highest military decoration awarded for valour "in the face of the enemy". He served in the Boer War, First World War, and Second World War. He was shot in the face, head, stomach, ankle, leg, hip, groin and ear; was blinded in his left eye which he took two bullets in; survived four plane crashes; tunnelled out of a prisoner-of-war camp with one arm; rode into battle on a camel; was so strong he could rip a deck of cards in half; and tore off his own fingers when a doctor declined to amputate them. Born to an aristocratic family in Belgium, Carton de Wiart attended Balliol College in Oxford to fulfil his father’s wishes of him going into law. Instead, at 19 he snook away from Oxford without telling his father, to join the Boer War. He faked his name and age to be accepted as a volunteer and was dispatched to South Africa, his father still unaware of his absence. He was shot in the stomach and groin during an ambush. When asked by a commanding officer if there were many Boers around he replied “No, but the few were very good shots”. He was returned to Britain to recover where his father accepted his military career before being redeployed back to South Africa. He was promoted to corporal for 24 hours before he was demoted back to trooper for threatening to punch a sergeant. He lead a squadron of the Somaliland Camel Corps, literally on camel-back into an assault on an enemy fort. He was shot 3 times in the face; losing an ear and an eye before a ricocheting bullet hit him again, in the same eye. de Wiart’s summary of the battle was “it had all been most exhilarating fun!” The Army Medical Commission said he was permitted be deployed to the Western Front if he’d wear a glass eye, to which he agreed. Before immediately throwing the eye out of the window of a taxi in London to replace it with a signature eye patch which he’d wear for the rest of his life. In his first battle of WWI at The Second Battle of Ypres he came under artillery fire. de Wiart’s left hand was hit by shrapnel and fragments from his own wristwatch which destroyed everything except his palm and two dangling fingers. When the field doctor hesitated to amputate them, de Wiart just tore off the two remaining fingers himself. The lower arm was later amputed. Unsatisfied with watching from the sidelines, he asked to be redeployed again, this time to the Battle of the Somme. British soldiers reported seeing de Wiart pulling pins from grenades with his teeth before throwing them at the enemy and firing and reloading his revolver with just one hand. During the assault on the village of La Boiselle, France, he took command of 3 leaderless units. With no field radios or telephones he decided to be his own messenger by running back and forth between all 3 units through enemy gunfire to give his orders. He was awarded the Victoria Cross “for most conspicuous bravery, coolness, and determination during severe operations of prolonged nature”. He was then shot through the back of the head. Didn’t die. In 3 subsequent battles he was shot in the ankle, hip, leg and ear. Didn’t die. After each stay in hospital he just regained full mobility and returned to battle. Now after the victory of World War 1, could he finally rest up and enjoy his retirement? Wrong. He was recalled into service in 1940, despite now being 60 years old and a one-eyed amputee. Shortly after, a plane he was travelling in was shot down by a German fighter plane over a fjord. Rather than get into an emergency rubber dinghy where the circling enemy aircraft could have picked him and his crew off, de Wiart treaded water with one arm until the plane ran out of ammo and left. After being picked up by the Navy, he was redeployed on a secret mission personally planned by Winston Churchill. This time the Wellington Bomber he was travelling in crash landed into the Mediterranean Sea. de Wiart then swam to shore, with one arm, while also carrying an injured comrade, who survived. He was immediately taken prisoner by the Italians and sent to the highest security prisoner of war camp for officers in Vincigliata near Florence. He was a part of at least five escape attempts, one of which involved digging a 60ft tunnel under the castle walls. After 7 months of tunnel digging WITH ONE ARM, de Wiart and 5 other prisoners escaped. He then evaded capture for 8 days disguised as an Italian peasant in Northern Italy despite the fact that he couldn’t speak Italian and was 62 years old with an eye patch, one empty sleeve and multiple injuries and scars. He was then recaptured but surprisingly ended up being used by the Italians to facilitate their armistice with the Allies. Having been a prisoner of war for months at this point, Carton de Wiart was not dressed appropriately for meetings with dignitaries so the Italians offered to purchase him a suit from an Italian tailor in Rome to which he protested unless it was a suit from Saville Row because he “didn’t want to look like a gigolo”. He then became Churchill’s head of relations with China before retiring. He died on June 5th 1963 at his family estate in Ireland. Describing his experiences, he wrote, "Frankly, I had enjoyed the war." When people ask why I’m not cynical about the future, it’s because of men like Sir Adrian Paul Ghislain Carton de Wiart. I adore these stories because it shows the limitless resilience of humans. You can cope with whatever life throws at you. And if you can’t, just tear your own fingers off and keep going. (h/t to Biographics for their amazing research on this guy)

Are we actually going to end up having gone a full decade with no increase in onshore wind generation in England? Truly, impressively, useless

@SkyNews @andrealeadsom @KayBurley Funny, that. Here's Leadsom telling us back in 2013 that the UK shouldn't leave the EU. "I don't think the UK should leave the EU. I think it would be a disaster for our economy, and it would lead to a decade of economic and political uncertainty."

@LaurentThines Bref, exactement ce que nous voyons en UK dans les urgences de la fameuse NHS.

J’ai compté 25 patients alignés sur les brancards, tous les box pleins, odeurs d’urines, d’alcool, de sueur mélangées, des malades hagards, des personnes âgées perdues, des gens en souffrance attendant là qu’on s’occupe d’eux… pendant des heures et des heures...

Un membre de notre équipe a fait un malaise respiratoire ce jour et est allée aux urgences cet aprem. Je suis passé en fin de journée après les consults et le tour préop pour lui faire coucou, m’assurer discrètement que tout allait bien et que sa prise en charge était en cours…

"In its majestic equality, the law forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets and steal loaves of bread." Anatole France

In other words, the government is proposing to provide prison cells for rough sleepers, but not homes. Even by the shocking standards of the UK's media, it is frankly astonishing that this monstrous bill has received almost no coverage.

To remind you: Under the new Bill, people caught rough sleeping can be imprisoned or fined up to £2,500 if they're deemed to constitute a “nuisance” or to cause “damage”. According to Article 61 of the bill, “damage” includes smelling bad.

What we are seeing play out in the UK, in ever more extreme forms, is class war. The war being waged by the rich against the poor.

@askesure Policy renewed a week ago. Only the confirmation letter is available in “my account”. No other document. I need to print my certificate of motor insurance. Please tell me how.

@KateBurkeNHS Umm-mm … if I sign up, “they” tell me what to wear every morning, don’t they? And if someone else preps that potato … and I never have to make a meal again … the draft is for me!

Right now, @Mark_Spencer is considering letting a pesticide that's lethal to bees back onto fields - despite the Gov's own scientists saying it should stay banned. Want him to make the right decision and protect bees? Add your name: act.38degrees.org.uk/act/bees-neoni…

Umm-mm … do left-handers have a different sort of sex life?

@Dempster2000 A hippo emerging from a kitchen counter top. As they do.

@PP_Rubens With Joseph in the classical new-father-of-twins pose.

2/2 It’s twins! Alternative theology at Assisi from Giotto.

Nativity in the Arena Chapel, Padua. Thank goodness Joseph had brought along an inflatable camping mattress, v. handy for giving birth on rocks in stable. This according to Giotto, who died (alas!) OTD in 1337.

@JapanTraCul Please tell me where this screen is ?

Tales of Genji, by School of Matabei, ca. 1650 #ukiyoe

Helen Harrison, partner of disgraced former-MP for Wellingborough Peter Bone, has been selected as the Conservative candidate for the Wellingborough By-Election. ...I was fairly confident of a Labour gain before, and very confident now.

Sunrise ☀️

@melhugsopera Perfectly rational. And big people use more soap than small ones. The cards are stacked genetically.

For the first time ever my husband is taking more luggage than me to NY. His reason? He’s taller 🤷🏽‍♀️