I am Coach X

@MoneyGrabFC @Zone_14 @Secretgrassroo2 @GrassrootsCoac5 @IrritatingMum @UkMeanwhile I think the clue is on her shirt.

@Zone_14 @Secretgrassroo2 @GrassrootsCoac5 @IrritatingMum @iamcoachX @UkMeanwhile How many years?

Guys! Olivia is playing a couple years up! @Secretgrassroo2 @GrassrootsCoac5 @IrritatingMum @iamcoachX @UkMeanwhile

When your kid gets released from one academy…….

Being “released” at a young age with no support. Not easy on the kids or parents.

@Jonny_Singer It’s the English way 🧐

Taking foden off because there can only be one fun player on at a time

@UkMeanwhile The Shadow squad 🤣 I forgot about them (as do the coaches). Sounds like a Marvel film 🍿

@IrritatingMum Those shouts seem a bit…..encouraging 🤔 What about “Get rid Alfie!” and “Not there Alfie!” 🤷‍♂️

I’ve spent all morning echoing all the things the new dad shouted at the kids match🥰 Him: “Use yer skills Alfie!” Me: “Show us yer skills Alfie!” He brought his wife too. They must have a sponsorship deal with Sports Direct because they were both kitted out in cheap gym gear🤦‍♀️

When that greedy kid gets the ball 🤣 Sound on!

How footy Dads see an U7 tournament…..

@IrritatingMum The other kids did seem to be enjoying the pleb coaches’ training 🤔 Can’t understand why, all they were doing is playing football while mine were going through a monotonous amount of drills 😤

@iamcoachX Tsk tsk tsk! What are you doing training near another team?! Imagine what happens when your parents see other kids enjoying training🤷‍♀️ They’re only gonna start asking you to make the sessions more fun! Then it’s the slippery slope to Div 7 and getting walloped 10-0 each week

I had all the gear out last night, small goals, big goals, poles, mannequins, kick boards, multi coloured cones, the lot 😏 The pleb coach on the other pitch only had a small sided game laid out 😮 You are never going to look like you know what you are doing with that set up 😤

@laurbarr71 It’s what posh people and Americans call football.

@iamcoachX What’s soccer ?

The soccer mums were out in force at training tonight. Turning up in their 4x4s with their Costa coffees and French bulldogs, all clad in Activewear, leggings or inappropriate shorts 😖

@IrritatingMum Oh very middle class darling. The boys all have double barrelled names and Uni funds. We play a team from a council estate. The mums turn up with tattoos, pit bulls and a hangover.

@iamcoachX Get you with your posh team and parents with 4x4’s! Or are you coaching a council estate team and all the parents specialise in importing and supply?

I think they must have been told to go out and enjoy themselves….

@IrritatingMum I hope his trackie was Lonsdale

I spent last night’s training session sizing up the new kid’s dad. He’s like a walking advert for getting the full tracksuit from Sports Direct. I think he shares my Derek’s unhealthy obsession for poles and cones! You can never have enough🥰 I don’t think they have a gazebo tho

@IrritatingMum He was in full academy tracksuit as well 😖

@iamcoachX I love them! They’re there to brag about being signed on but you know they’re also shitting it in case they find out they’re no longer the star kid of the team and need an escape route in future😂

That kid who used to play for us but got scouted by an academy came down to watch our match. Hedging his bets probably incase he gets binned off 😤