close to ideal

"just relax, I got this," I scream, indiscriminately and in increasingly deranged tones

Had a vision that I needed to make a newt bowl. I will never do ceramics again, but 10/10 experience every time I eat soup 🦎

i’m actually very chill once everything goes exactly how i planned

@13sunshinedrive this is how I learn Adam Driver was in Girls

there are layers to this

I won.

@laliandra @torakowalski so profesh

@tashalae can't believe I don't have to do one at all when we just settled out of court 👀

the irony of having a one-on-one HR layoff meeting in the conference room with my Loki mural on it

The Dutch word for a horse breeder is paardenfokker (paarden = horses, fokker = breeder) and that's all the context you need for this terrible joke... ENGLISHMAN: what do you do? DUTCHMAN: I fok horses ENGLISHMAN: pardon? DUTCHMAN: yes paarden

@tashalae love this

more than half hoping Lucy Bronze might cuddle her maybe girlfriend

Lionnesses!!

@laliandra FLEX

Imagine lying in a hospital bed, out of your mind on a morphine drip and Nicole Kidman shows up

@laliandra yay healthcare :)

@2froppish2pet invite people kinda late so half of them can't come..

The cosmic shots from the Project Hail Mary end credits are now mobile wallpapers! Captured by astrophotographer Rod Prazeres, free to download or support with any amount you want. A small piece of the mission, now in your pocket.

yesterday on night shift one of the nurses gave herself bangs and then we all made up a new suicide assessment/GAD scale and one of the questions was “have you ever thought of having bangs or giving yourself bangs?” they should put us on the pitt

Happy anniversary to all who celebrate (the greatest celebrity-on-celebrity social media takedown of all time)

These are the kinds of problems I want

I've never seen a photograph look so much like a Hopper painting before.