Brittany Schloesser

"I have such an aversion to deadbeats"

@elainejgodfrey 🫡🫡🫡

There are only a few of us, but we are mighty

@musingmymind 😭😭😭

Porch Fest is when all the hot straight guys in DC come out of hiding for four hours. And then, they vanish again.

Felt appropriate

@eat_dc Shoutout to it being a millennial hand heart vs gen z

New sculpture installed on the Eastern Market plaza.

sober me: i should take an uber it’s safer. drunk me on a capital bikeshare doing 14mph down 15th street at midnight: i am INFRASTRUCTURE

@mattadler81 They're my FAVORITE

First time at Rose Ave Bakery. Can’t believe I’ve never been before. Miso/garlic salt bread and a mandarin/basil donut. So freakin’ good.

"The only reason I think I'd like to run for office is to have a sworn enemy"

@NatPurser Wait damn I just saw it and my bestie is a great contender (But also she and I are both available for the spillover men HA)

ok thank you for all the inquiries, i am officially shutting this down so this gentleman can start conducting outreach. thank you for participating etc.

i have a dc friend who’d like to be match made. he’s 5’10, late 20s, jewish, extroverted, a reporter, smart, a poster. he likes cool, funny, smart girls. please dm if interested, serious inquiries only, i will intro you.

@maustermuhle @CMRobertWhiteDC @CMLewisGeorgeW4 I've lived in the same apartment w/ the same appliances for 9 years. I had my account set to autopay and alert if the bill ever went above $120. It has been above $120 consistently for the last two years. It was $750 this past month with the cold and my apt is at 63°. Robbery!

I've been hearing lots of complaints about high Pepco bills recently, and D.C. councilmembers are sharing in the pain. "I just got an $1,100 Pepco bill so I am beyond pissed with utilities right now. My house is at 68 degrees," said @CMRobertWhiteDC. For @CMLewisGeorgeW4: $899.

@El_Silvero Booooooooo 👎

@itisbrittanys more like a blanket rule that, unfortunately, hurts a few good owners

Dogs shouldn't be allowed in manhattan. And you should need a license in Brooklyn and Queens. I've said this for years.

@El_Silvero OH SO A BLANKET RULE TO PUNISH EVERYONE FOR A FEW BAD ACTORS, EH???

@itisbrittanys you are a responsible dog owner! there are so many others who are not!!

@JonathanCohn This has been on my dating profile for as long as I've had one and it's definitely the top engager

I used “Who is your favorite Muppet?” as an ice-breaker in two meetings today. And everyone always nods approvingly at every answer. 10/10 question

regular people: I wonder if I could get in trouble for writing "for crimes" as a joke on Venmo billionaire mega-predators: hey r u going to the child torture party 2morrow, on Nov 14, 2014? here is the full legal name and social security # of every1 whose going lol

"I am envious though, you actually get a hint of peril while I'm warm in my childhood home in a bathrobe"

@PhilaBCoulter These boys are living my dream

Bluesky got it first, but to me this is the best TikTok thing going on right now: These two dudes are trying food from every country without leaving NYC. If you haven’t seen them yet, it’s incredible. My favorite so far is last week’s. Legit got me emotional.

@soigomaa This is where I leave you

please recommend some movies that feel like therapy, pls pls. movies that make you realize so many things in life. movies that make you cry so hard, that are gut-wrenching yet cleansing, and that gently remind you of your most vulnerable side

"Everyone's mad about the panda truck, the lions have covid, it's a bad time"

"I was like 'oh, isn't it so funny that I listen to the Bill O'Reilly podcast and I'm 8?!'"