Jared Leys

@jaredleys Ever heard the phrase “I better get home or the ducks will have something to eat”? It’s probably a good thing if you haven’t. Well, either way, I just want to say that, on at least one day in my life, I couldn’t resist posting an excerpt about ducks that is mostly about dicks written by Mary Roach. “But if you happen to be impotent because someone has cut off your penis, then the microsurgeons can help you. The world’s most experienced penis reattachment surgeons can be found in Thailand, where, during the 1970s, an estimated one hundred vengeful Thai wives, spurred by media coverage of a prominent 1973 case, sliced off the penises of their adulterous husbands as they slept. When a suitably equipped microsurgeon was on hand to reattach the errant appendage, the men were able to resume philandering within a matter of months. Though probably with reduced success: The penises, though operative, were shorter, numb, and often only partway erectable. The most serious complication, in the Thai attacks, was infection. Two of the wives flushed the penises down the toilet, forcing their husbands to grope for their lost manhood inside the septic tank. (Incredibly, both were found, cleaned, cleaned some more, and reattached.) More commonly, the women would hurl the penis out the window. In the cases described in ‘Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in Siam,’ all the recovered penises were ‘grossly contaminated.’ Better that than eaten by livestock. Many rural Thai homes are elevated on pilings, with the family’s pigs, chickens, and ducks tending to mill about seeking shade in the space underneath. It is not, oddly, the pigs, but rather the ducks, that the castrated Thai must worry about. The paper does not provide the exact number of penises eaten by ducks, but the author says there have been enough over the years to prompt the coining of a popular saying: ‘I better get home or the ducks will have something to eat.’” CC/ @cterlson