Jon Francis

@BoredElonMusk Lł

Spent the day in San Francisco and honestly it was lovely. The media and right wing nuts have painted such a false picture of the city. Didn’t see a single homeless person and the pasta restaurants were scrumptious.

Now do human voices vs mosquitoes! We need to find out who’s #1 South Africa's Kruger National Park study: Animals fear human voices more than lions bbc.co.uk/news/world-afr…

I once made a joke to my vet about my dog getting snapped, saying he was getting “Bob Barkered”. The vet started laughing. I said, “everyone doesn’t make the same joke?” Evidently, it was the first time. #BobBarker #helpcontrolthepetpopulation

accuweather.com/en/hurricane/t… Vegas hurricane. What's the under/over on windows broken?

Are Beef Wellington and Pigs in a Blanket/cocktail wieners technically the same thing?

Red Velvet is not an appropriate cake to choose for an Easter lamb-shaped cake.

Found wife’s evil twin apnews.com/article/entert…

“Denmark, take the deal. It’s a win-win. You get a tropical island; off load an island with an infrastructure problem. We get a bigger spot on the map and offload an island with an infrastructure problem.” people.com/politics/donal…

New carpet in the house. New house rules every time I pass my wife. Made it clear that I had every intention of walking in the carpet; maybe sitting in it too.

@1JeremyStraus @MarvelStudios Thor already has it en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thursday

@jfranci3 @MarvelStudios If May the 4th works then why shouldn't that?

The whole fam is excited to see @MarvelStudios #Thor today. I get tix for opening day. Today, I say to the family "You know what today is? THORSday" NO ONE LAUGHS. My joke was funny, technically correct, and timely. I'm repeating it till I get my laugh from them.

How come they didn't sell tickets to watch "influencers" wait a bit for a bus? This would have sold a lot of tix. dailymail.co.uk/femail/article…

This bird you cannot change newsweek.com/flamingo-escap…

@Diddy offered to broker the peace between @chrisrock and #WillSmith. Hes mind fucking them right now. independent.co.uk/arts-entertain…. #WillAndChris

Cool now do “things that can bash heads”. Why are we giving #skynet ideas? theverge.com/2022/3/17/2298…

@ChuckMcManis @RALee85 No, Russians invented grid fins for missiles like this decades ago.

The great thing about the #WDW app is that you don’t even need to go to Disney or buy a ticket to wait in line. Pretty much eliminates the whole reason to go to Orlando.

Every time I see John C Reilly in a movie Ithink, “that guy is really a better actor than he gets credit for.” Then he makes that John C Reilly voice.

@erinpogmothoin “G”

This is like a #SNL skit. Incredible.

Russia boss level fight just got a little easier. You’re just going up against a red belt now. newsweek.com/vladimir-putin…