Jim Morley

FIVE IN A ROW AT HOME! 🏡🔥

Trump moves heaven and earth to rescue one downed American pilot. Starmer moves heaven and earth to prosecute British veterans. That is all you need to know about our Prime Minister.

A burglar breaks into a house at night, shining his flashlight around the living room looking for valuables, when he hears a voice say: "Jesus is watching you." He turns his flashlight off and freezes. After a couple minutes, nothing happens, so he turns the flashlight back on, and immediately hears: "Jesus is watching you." He whirls around and shines the flashlight towards the voice, and sees a parrot sitting in a cage in the corner. "Was that you?" he asks the parrot. "Yes", says the parrot. "But I'm telling you, Jesus is watching you." "Thanks for telling me”, chuckles the burglar, relaxing. “So what’s your name?" "Moses," replies the parrot. "Moses?" the burglar laughs, "What kind of people would name a parrot Moses?" "The same kind that would name a Pit Bull Jesus."

@Ameliajade911 He was raised right, you were raised wrong! 😂

My favourite part about this day is always the looks we get in the Harvester 😂 Yes i raised my child wrong. I couldve done a better job 🔴⚪️

EPIC.

This is Walker Smith. After dedicating 17 years to Waitrose, he was recently dismissed. The reason? For attempting to stop a shoplifter nicking Easter eggs. Yes you read that right. He should be applauded, not sacked. Shameful @waitrose. Re-employ Walker Smith!

Japan.

The Head of the Grooming Gangs Inquiry says they will investigate public figures who were complicit in the scandal. Alright then. Let’s make it easier for them: 𝗞𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗿 Called protestors of Pakistani-Muslim grooming gangs “far-Right bandwagon jumpers”, refused a national inquiry until he was forced to backtrack, oversaw the failure to prosecute offenders as head of the Crown Prosecution Service etc. 𝗝𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗣𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗽𝘀 Voted against a national inquiry, ignored council requests to meet, watered down the Gov’s “local enquiries” until they were scrapped altogether, accused victims of being far-Right, downplayed the severity and scale of abuse, repeatedly denied and shut out victims from speaking out 𝗦𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗾 𝗞𝗵𝗮𝗻 Repeatedly denied the existence of grooming gangs in London, claimed there were “no reported cases and also no indication”, voted down proposals for an inquiry into Pakistani-Muslim grooming gangs in London, took away 4.5 million in funding for the inquiry 𝗦𝗵𝗮𝘂𝗻 𝗗𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗠𝗣 Labour MP and former Leader of Telford and Wrekin Council, oversaw the fallout of the Telford scandal, downplayed the severity and scale of CSE in Telford, attempted to block an independent inquiry, voted against a national inquiry, protected Cabinet members who played an active role in the scandal (eg. Cabinet Member who said that girls’ claims were “made up on the back of a fag packet”) 𝗔𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝗕𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗵𝗮𝗺 Refused to launch an independent inquiry into grooming gangs in Greater Manchester, despite victims’ testimony and police whistleblowers confirming widespread cover-ups 𝗡𝗮𝘇 𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗵 Labour MP who told victims of grooming gangs to “shut their mouths for the good of diversity”, trivialising and silencing abuse survivors 𝗟𝘂𝗰𝘆 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹 Called Pakistani-Muslim grooming gangs a “far-Right dog whistle” and a “trumpet” that is used to unfairly smear Labour, accused victims of being far-Right and exaggerating their abuse 𝗕𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗔𝘆𝗲𝘀𝗵𝗮 𝗛𝗮𝘇𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗸𝗶 Laughed about the mass rape of little girls by Pakistani-Muslim grooming gangs, joked that every Pakistani person is accused of being a groomer, claimed to instigate grooming gang conspiracies Oh, and every single councillor, police officer, social worker, sexual health clinic staff member, and other official who silenced, vilified or turned a blind eye to the systemic abuse of little British girls. Who else?

Come on @EastMidRailway give us an update on why we’ve just slammed to a sudden stop on this standing room only train. It’s not fun and it’s certainly not comfortable.

🇯🇵 A Muslim lady from the UK explains: "Japan is overrated. I don't like it because it's not Muslim friendly. Their rice is boiled in pork water". Actually, one of the best things about Japan is exactly that: we're not Muslim friendly. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Too bad for you.

The retrial of a brace of Mohammeds was delayed for almost a year to let the anger die down. It is now set for the 13th of April this year. Keep the pressure on our Traitor Class and let everyone know.

Nothing from the Rams - but Stoke have …🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲pass me the prayer mat 🥲🥲🥲

Securing all three points on our trip to the CBS Arena last season. 🔐⏪

🚨He’s shitting himself and Lammy… Listen to the crowd, that’s how much we all hate you Starmer you pedophile protecting piece of shit.

Hats off to whoever wrote this! EMPLOYEE NOTICE Due to the current financial situation caused by the fuel crisis and the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) PS - Due to the Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

Derby is a City where we the people come together when times are difficult and when as Derbeians we are needed for one another. The march taking place is showing, togetherness and solidarity, that our undefeated, underdog City we all love, will not be ripped apart. As a Derby County Football Club supporters group and being Derbeians ourselves the incident like many others, hit us to the core which we never thought would happen on our City streets. Along the march we will also like people attending to follow us to the site where a fellow football supporter lost his life to show that as a football community we do come together in hard times, placing rivalry aside. We ask that supporters bring BLACK AND WHITE flags and scarves to the march and to the game v Stoke. We again send the injured and witnesses our best wishes and speedy recovery and would also like to send our sincere condolences to Paul Pikes family, friends and Birmingham City Football Club. WE ARE DERBY DERBY NOW ALWAYS ONE CLUB, ONE CITY

Little Britain was definitely WAY ahead of their time. Comedy that became Reality! 🤭🤔

A Muslim woman in Japan gripes: “Japan’s obsessed with pork. Everything I buy or eat out has it—I can’t eat any of it.” Japan bans halal food. If we do the same, 80% of Muslims will self-deport within a month. Should we copy Japan? A. Yes B. No

When TV adverts were funny and not full of diversity woke nonsense😂 RIP Leonard Rossiter

I read how a failed Pakistani 'asylum seeker' who repeatedly abused and raped an eight year old girl has been jailed for 15 years. He abused her in her own home and bedroom. She was told that if she told anyone, she would die. I wouldn't deport him. Under a Restore Britain Government, with the British people's approval, the death penalty would be reintroduced for such evil and undeniable crimes. He would be put to death. If you rape a young child, you do not deserve to live. It's that simple.