jolly jules

Husband: *rattles a bag in the kitchen* Me (one room away): What are you eating? Doesn’t matter, I want some. Marriage, ladies and gentlemen.

So freaking happy for Jordan Walker.

It’s so bizarre to me when an oncologist and a nurse recommends a medication to a patient and she says “I’d like to research it” as if she can learn more from the internet than the oncologist knows about it. What a time to be ignorant.

The problem with a good book is that you want to finish the book but you don't want to finish the book

April fools doesn’t hit the same living in a misinformation epidemic

Forever in my top 5

If that brave corgi story is AI I'm going to burn everything down.

Welcome to your 40s: you now understand why your dad fell asleep anywhere and everywhere

I've used em-dashes my whole life — they add rhythm and grace to writing. But now they're an AI tell. Can we get a grandfather clause for those of us who were fluent in em-dashes before ChatGPT launched in November 2022?

@newheightshow @Brandon_Borders @ConanOBrien @JasonKelce @tkelce @HillsPet

Our guest loved his intro so much, Jason might've just gotten a job at The Oscars TOMORROW. CONAN O'BRIEN. @ConanOBrien

Make the Microsoft CEO search for an email on Outlook live on camera

@BmanPatriot @AceHarold1937 @FoodNetwork And their honey mustard is top tier. Pairs perfectly with their turkey & swiss 🤤 agree about their tea too!

@AceHarold1937 @FoodNetwork I actually think the turkey with Swiss is better and they have the very best iced tea!

Tonight I discovered a St. Louis institution called “Lion’s Choice”..I naively assumed it was similar to Arby’s..However, the roast beef had the kind of quality you’d expect from something carved at a steakhouse..For several glorious bites, I forgot the Aces lost yesterday!!

the fact that it’s still considered “woke” in 2026 to think that women deserve respect is insane 😭

My nervous system cannot handle even one more video of that little baby macaque being mistreated

I honestly hate that we've normalized the idea that all opinions are valid. I think we should get back to telling ppl that they are ill informed & ignorant.

I ace my performance of this every morning for my children and it never lands

Opening the microwave door one second early because you don't need all that hooting and hollering.

anyone else feel like they’re being water boarded with terrible news and information at all times

One of my favorite games to play as an adult is: Did I take Tylenol 30 minutes ago or did I just think about taking Tylenol 30 minutes ago...

I am significantly more pleasant when chips and salsa are present.

@Brandon_Borders Petition to have Bacon on the show.

Bacons not locked in