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Me: I don’t know why my computer’s running so slow
My computer:
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Kelley Greene
14.5K posts
Kelley Greene
@kelleygreene
currently @buzzfeed. chronically online writer & satirist. (views mine, obvs.)
Chicago, IL Katılım Mart 2009
2.8K Takip Edilen1.7K Takipçiler
In Chicago this would be a 19-31-33- - -
Adam Aaronson@aaaronson
Acquired an ultra rare 1-2-3-4-5
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On Day 18, my traumatized foster dog finally started asking for pets.
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Kelley Greene retweetledi
The Onion has successfully acquired Alex Jones’ ‘Infowars’ after 17 months of legal battles and has debuted its new logo.
It will be turned into a parody of itself, with the support of the Sandy Hook families.
(variety.com/2026/digital/n…)
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don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya
Trent 🇺🇸@tnertz
.@Tesla has almost fully emptied out their Gold Coast, Chicago location.
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Kelley Greene retweetledi
Kelley Greene retweetledi
I was going to say “I had so much fun reporting this story!” but actually I think I was stressed out the whole time, sprinting in a blind panic, trying to figure out why the hell I pitched this. I think that comes across in the text. Hope you enjoy! theatlantic.com/magazine/2026/…
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Kelley Greene retweetledi
they ALWAYS do the good colours the year AFTER I get a new phone
MacRumors.com@MacRumors
iPhone 18 Pro's Four Rumored Colors Revealed, Including 'Dark Cherry' macrumors.com/2026/04/17/fou…
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Kelley Greene retweetledi
I don't recall any previous transformative technologies having to be sold so desperately. No one in 1999 was going, "Guys. Cell phone? It's coming, whether we like it or not. I think it's important, FOR WOMEN ESPECIALLY, to learn about cell phone. So that we're not left behind!!"
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Kelley Greene retweetledi
Teaching kids not to trust cops and/or robots from an early age turned out to be a vital 21st century skill
🅱️ete oaks@b0newalljackson
90’s dads were like “ yeah my six year old can handle terminator 2: judgment day “
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Kelley Greene retweetledi
Kelley Greene retweetledi
Kelley Greene retweetledi
Kelley Greene retweetledi
Welcome, dear friends, to Millennial Political Supremacy.
This will be our politics for the next 50 years. Sorry Zoomers.
Dr. Lucky Tran@luckytran
Zohran Mamdani: "If you are a Mario Kart fan, government is Yoshi and philanthropy is the Golden Mushroom, that edge we need to beat Bowser on the Rainbow Road. To belabor this metaphor even further, Bowser is corporate greed in this scenario."
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the pics robbie shows off to the crew when he gets back from vacation
kaysi ✨@Iilithsternin
YOU CAN’T JUST DROP ALL THIS RN?????? I AM FRAGILE
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@wowzaship the reason she’s crying in the car at the end is because SHE KNOWS HE’S RIGHT!! good lord
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Kelley Greene retweetledi
said this a million times but Apple are idiots for not doing a 25th anniversary iPod this year
clickwheel, multiple colors, Apple Music, Bluetooth and AirPods support, a good DAC and storage up to 2 TB just to appease the audiophiles — boom, you have the product of Christmas 26
New York Post@nypost
Gen Z and parents favor old-school tech like iPods and digital cameras for a simpler, less plugged-in life: 'People are just sick of it' trib.al/5jaxgnn
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Some personal news, this week I was laid off after 4 years at Eventbrite. I'm using this sign to finally launch my full-time freelance writing (20%)/consulting (80%) business after a decade of side hustling. Please hire me to market, write, & edit things! sophievershbow.com/consulting
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@svershbow ugh, i'm so sorry this happened to you. layoffs are the absolute worst. best of luck with your new endeavor!!
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