Leave The Ground

@E90959876901 @az_cactusflower @michaeljknowles Lower case g

'Exciting new breakthrough: scientists look forward to depriving human beings of mothers and fathers in order to satisfy morbid curiosity and make themselves into gods!'

@UltharCats I'm not joking. I literally never looked into myself so deeply until you looked into my deep holes that might need filling. Maybe I'm missing out on your phalus. I'll keep this going till I die baby. I'm init for the long hog.

Asked my 4 year old son if he would like to say prayers tonight. He said yes, and promptly began. "In Jesus Name Amen... Please God help us to love our mommies and daddies. Please help us to be stronger. And please make any guys that want to be bad weaker."

@michaeljknowles @Stranger_Things The upside down world. The mind flayer.

What is the origin of the phrase "woke mind virus"? (And why do some people prefer it to the more succinct term "liberalism"?)

@InformedMama209 Pulling your pants up to your waist, or higher. Tucking your shirt in. Or just walk around like normal. Up to you.

Can anyone tell me what acting white means?

@FenixAmmunition Double the cholesterol baby!!!

How's everybody feel about the "double yolk" egg? Did I get more for my money? Or will I die of chicken cancer?

@UltharCats @az_cactusflower @realDailyWire @MattWalshBlog @michaeljknowles Hey why are you... Oh NVM

The walrus has a new friend! Shop our Sweet Baby and Walrus plushies at the DW Shop here: bit.ly/426pwqg

@JebraFaushay There is so much more you can't tell us? Cause there is nothing more. You can't get rid of pets? To give your kids a home? You have no problems besides the fact you're being a little cry baby. My 4 year old is better at solving problems than you.

These ideas don't come from a boy who is being told every damned thing his father sees on the news cycle or Twitter. They come from a boy who was taught the scriptures. A boy who heard the stories of Joseph, of Moses, of Joshua, of Samson. He knows a bad guy when he sees one.

"Please make all the bad guys small and give them one heart. So that it's easy to defeat them, so all the good guys win. Thank you God & Jesus. Amen. - a 4 year old boy. Who's rather big by the way.

@benshapiro Ben, he's drunk.

I don't even know where to begin with this one

@prageru 5 Letter words only.

America has 99 problems, but _____ ain't one.

@jordanbpeterson @CNN Why are researchers even estimating stupid crap like this... Who is funding this nonsense.

Is it because of climate change @CNN?

@JackPosobiec Owned...

@realDailyWire I thought this was satire at first...

The North Face launches "Summer of Pride" with new drag spokesperson "Pattie Gonia." These woke companies can't help themselves twitter.com/ClownWorld_/st…

@GadSaad But does it fit on a shirt?

I find it so transphobic when people ask me how many sons or daughters I have. This smells of old fashioned thinking rooted in antiquated notions of binary sex. My children (genderless), my husband (biological male who self-identifies as a man), and myself (non-arboreal carbon-based multicellular agent) are simply people. We are sexless, genderless, amorphous blogs of ephemeral chromosomes. The reality is that my husband is at times my wife, and on other occasions they are non-binary. Hence, we are engaged in a form of transpolygyny in that we have 3 options for me (male, female, non-binary) and 3 options for they (male, female, non-binary) so I get to have sexy time in 9 different ways. [I deserve awards for these tweets.]

̶L̶A̶ ̶D̶o̶d̶g̶e̶r̶s̶ El Gay Dodgers

@JeremyDBoreing I fell in Love at 25, Married at 26, Baby at 27. Basically saved my life. I was doing okay when my wife and I met, I was young and dumb and often found myself in the wrong places but not always at the wrong times. I Don't miss those days. The learning curve is best rode together.

Hottest take: It is demonstrably better for men and women to marry in their early twenties and society should encourage as much. But individuals are not statistics and what is generally better can often be specifically worse. A person should make informed decisions geared toward a successful life, but if your own life takes a different course, you are in no way doomed. Just start making the most informed decisions geared toward a successful life right now, where you are. Didn’t marry early? Okay. Get married as soon as practicable. Didn’t graduate high school? Okay. Move forward and make better decisions. Got a divorce? Got arrested? Got addicted? Okay. Do better now. Made selfish but not self-destructive decisions and now find yourself older, single, and materially successful? Okay. Go build a life and share that material success with those who will teach you selflessness (a wife and children). It’s never too late. Until it’s too late…

@JackPosobiec The hell are these kids doing?

Incredible, truly