Maggie Ramage

There are few things more satisfying than the spectacle of a political party living down to expectations. So three cheers for the SNP's promise of a free pencil case and a water bottle for every kid starting primary school. If that doesn't fix Scottish education, what could? thetimes.com/uk/scotland/ar…

@DPJHodges @PatrickChristys What an idiot!

The spectacle of Keir Starmer pretending to be the leader of a global coalition securing navigation through the Strait of Hormuz, when the Royal Navy does not have a single reliable destroyer in the region, is quite something.

Nothing women do will ever be good enough for Muslim men. This is the future Queen of England, wearing hijab, no less — a talented, intelligent woman who is literally royalty, and this pig thinks he’s too good to shake her hand because he has a dick.

Dear Prime Minister & Home Secretary, I hope this letter finds you well, fully caffeinated, and in possession of a calculator. I’m writing with what I believe is a modest, fiscally responsible proposal. I understand the Government is offering up to £40,000 to certain individuals to voluntarily leave the United Kingdom. First of all — bold strategy. Nothing says “strong borders” quite like a cashback scheme. Now, I regret to inform you that I am, in fact, a fully tax-paying, law-abiding British citizen. I know — awkward. I appreciate this may disqualify me from the premium exit package, but I’m willing to negotiate. I would like to formally apply for £35,000 to leave. You see, unlike some applicants, I haven’t broken any laws to get here. I didn’t arrive by dinghy. I didn’t require processing, housing, or legal appeals. I’ve actually been funding the whole operation through PAYE for years — which I believe makes me a loyal shareholder in this enterprise. Given that you’re prepared to offer £40,000 for someone to depart voluntarily after entering illegally, I feel £35,000 for someone who’s been here legally all along represents excellent value for money. Think of it as a “Buy British, Get One Gone” discount. For £35,000 I will:    •   Leave quietly.    •   Not require a press conference.    •   Not demand a diversity officer to wave me off.    •   Even carry my own suitcase to the airport. I may also tweet a polite thank-you note on departure, praising the efficiency of the scheme. Frankly, it feels like I’ve misunderstood how incentives work in modern Britain. All these years I thought obeying the law, paying taxes, and contributing to society were the winning strategy. Turns out the real pro-move is to arrive unlawfully and wait for a loyalty bonus. Who knew? While British families are juggling rent, energy bills, and the weekly food shop like contestants on a dystopian game show, it’s reassuring to know the Treasury has located a spare £40,000 per head for voluntary goodbyes. May I ask — is there a points card? Ten years of National Insurance contributions and I get a free exit bonus? If so, I believe I’m overdue. In the spirit of fairness and fiscal responsibility, I am not even asking for the full £40,000. I’m trimming £5,000 off to help balance the books. That’s the kind of responsible budgeting I was raised on. If successful, I promise to:    •   Leave via a scheduled flight (economy is fine).    •   Not stage a protest on the runway.    •   And refrain from re-entering on a small boat to see if I qualify twice. All I ask is equal treatment. If departure is now a funded career pathway, I would very much like to submit my CV. Yours in hopeful relocation, A slightly confused taxpayer

@waychee1 @Keir_Starmer My mate is the manager of the Regents Pk boating lake & the GOVT are commandeering his 11 boat & putting a 50cc Engine on each of them & a machine gun on the front of the boats, Iran won’t know what has hit them!!🤷‍♂️👍

BREAKING NEWS; @Keir_Starmer has today Ordered that the Cutty Sark be taken out of dry dock in Greenwich Road driven to Portsmouth loaded with cannon balls & to Immediately set sail to Cyprus to protect our troops; he said “It should never have been decommissioned in 1895”👇🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Watch as thus British show host unleashes 2 minutes straight on her own government! It's beautiful, elect her as PM... STAT!!! This is way Americans are FED up with Demoncrats!

I stand with Rupert Lowe do you? 🇬🇧🇬🇧

Is @Keir_Starmer completely blind to the level of hate that is levelled at him? Does he not care that he is one of the most despised people on the planet? REPOST if you can't stand him! 🇬🇧

Ok. When you calling a general election then?

Kids when the own label comes out at Breakfast.

@AgentP22 I waited 2years and then took the money from my savings and went and had it done privately.

Scots waiting 5 YEARS for hip and knee ops. John Swinney says waiting lists are “coming down”. Someone’s lying — and it isn’t the patients.

@ClarksonsFarm1 No!

No.

Please Repost and Let Me Know If You Would VOTE Reform at the Next General Election? 🗳️ 🇬🇧

@DonaldTrumpnq A

@EmiratesHaq Not really a complaint - more an observation. The planes on that route look very old and tired.

We're taking our retrofit programme to the next level, with 111 aircraft getting our latest cabin innovations and next-gen IFE from August 2026. The future of flying starts here! emirat.es/5mam0d

Taxpayers forked out a record £14 million last year to fund asylum seekers’ legal battles in Scotland. That’s your money paying for appeals, delays and loopholes, while communities are told to put up and shut up. Britain is being taken for a ride.

What a load of tosh! This Chancellor is a waste of time. Why is she wittering on! When will Labour ever stop going on about the Tories! Brexit! And COVID!

Not in a million years!