Mark Harbottle

There’s someone on a desk near me with a 2 litre bottle of Pepsi max and a large bag of lemon sherbets. That’s…. not a lunch.

No one can tell me grey jeans are going out of fashion.

If you want to be respected like a car, you should act like one. Cutting red lights, not indicating and weaving on main roads does not lead to the respect that cyclists deserve / need on the road. Poor form mr commuter.

Overheard a mum on the school run referring to a zebra crossing as ‘the zebs’ and now it’s official the world is too woke for me

Too scared of drawing macc in the next round

When I discard an email in outlook, I expect the draft to, y’know, discard. Be gone. Disappear. So why does it end up as an unread item in my drafts? It’s the equivalent of saying goodbye to someone, turning around and they’re still there.

I would argue that the box an artificial Christmas tree comes in is more important than the tree itself 🎄 📦

Massive shout out to @Mattel and the @Hot_Wheels team for top tier customer service. They quickly resolved an issue and went above and beyond for my 2 boys. Huge thanks to the team who proved great service still exists 🚗 💨 👏

Buying Christmas chocolates early because there are great deals on is a hoax. You end up eating them by December 5th then have to buy them all again. How has it taken me all these years to catch on to this conspiracy.

Thought Film Club on bbc was great, and Aimee Lou Wood was fantastic in it. Believe it’s her first gig writing, will deffo watch whatever she knocks up next.

@My_Metro Just spent 2 hours getting home from NCL w/ young kids. One of the busiest weekends of the year and system issues/illnesses are not a justifiable excuse. Plan better. Prices rising but service isn’t improving. Not a dig at frontline staff, but major improvements needed

Took one of them fancy new Metros to work today… it promptly broke down at Benton. Ended up walking the last mile to work in the snow. Wild how ticket prices keep going up but it doesn’t feel like reliability has improved

It’s 2 degrees in Newcastle. Proper cold. But such is the style of the geordies, there’s a bloke on the metro wearing jeans and a tank top. He’s not even holding a jumper I’m sure he left the house like that

That Cadbury’s advert where you can send a chocolate bar in secret to someone… am I the only person who thought I’d send it to myself?

@RockcliffeFiles You must’ve missed the bat signal when I threw it up over the estate

@markharbs Surely that metaphor is only relevant if you bring the meatballs and Diem bars home to your mates?

I feel like the middle class equivalent of nipping over to Calais for fags and wine for your mates is nipping to ikea for meatballs and diam bars

They always over complicate it on bake off. The golden rule IMO should be ‘don’t come last’ until the final. Keep it simple

Noticed that people have started to use the word ‘schlep’ a lot. I need to schlep into town… I’ll be schlepping down to London… is this a new word or am I behind the times?

I’ve stuck with the same word since day one. Waiting for this moment Wordle 1,545 1/6* 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Surely if I keep looking at the weather forecast it’ll change?