Django Guy

@kitkatstx Fairest lady, might I humbly petition thee for the privilege of thy company in the most intimate manner tonight?

It has taken Matia Kasaija 52 years to launch his madam to the public but you want me to post you after two weeks in the talking stage ???

Ugandan MP benefits: ~Shs315m for vehicle ~Net salary of Shs6.1m ~Monthly housing allowance of Shs6.5m ~Constituency support fee of Shs17.03m ~Town running fee of Shs1.945m ~Fuel allowance of between Shs10.3m and Shs31m ~A free iPad ~Shs50,000 allowance for attending committee sessions ~Shs150,000 as plenary sitting allowance ~Daily per diem of Shs400,000 and Shs2.6m for domestic and international travels, respectively. ~Airtime of between 1m to 4m ~Medical insurance covering up to six family members or dependants. Why wouldn’t one do everything possible to enter Parliament?

In 2005, I was in Primary Five at a school in Bushenyi. Kabagambe and I were in the same class but in different streams, and we were both contesting for the position of sanitary prefect. I was soft-spoken and articulate. I had a good command of the English language in a school where few learners did. Three weeks to the voting day, we had class-to-class campaigns, sharing our manifestos and trying to persuade learners to vote for us. This was my first shot at elective politics. Together with my friends, Kaitesi and Aida, we went through the classes in a day. There were cheers everywhere, and the votes were promised. “Pechensi Pechensi eh, Pechensi Pechensi eh,” they would chant. Two weeks later, we had the general campaigns. When my turn to speak came, I got up and stood on the platform, and among the promises I made was to ensure that every class had a dustbin and its own rubbish pit. No one objected; all there was were cheers and a standing ovation. I promised gloves for all students and a donation of 50 new slashers if elected. When the elections came, I won by a landslide. If I recall correctly, it was by more than 230 votes in a school of 980 pupils. I was the new big thing. My parents and friends were happy. I had seen the victory coming, but this felt different. It was exciting and almost corrupting because having power over my fellow learners felt so daring. On the swearing-in day, we were each asked to write our appreciation speeches and wear the full school uniform. I wrote my speech. It was brief. It was simple, and on the eve, I washed my uniform. Classes had been cancelled for D-Day and for the day to follow. By the morning of the swearing-in day, I couldn't find my second stocking. I had no idea where it was. I didn't have a second pair and was forced to wear one and show up. I unashamedly did. My turn to stand at the podium came, and there I was, with one stocking on. Just when I thought this would have been the worst part of that day, then came the part where we had to say, “....solemnly swear....” I had never seen this word nor heard anyone use it before. I paused in confusion, silent and unsure how to pronounce it. The teacher who held the mic then tapped my back, as if signaling that I should get on with my speech. I stuttered, cleared my throat, and there it was—the word from the mouth of the school's most eloquent learner. “I, Ndagire Patience, sole-men-lie swear...” only for the teacher with the mic to burst out loud in laughter, and the rest of the crowd followed. In anger, I withheld my donation of the 50 new slashers, and by the end of my tenure, everything was just as it was before I took on the office.

Uganda never disappoints! Two mature women were filmed exchanging slaps and deadly grabs in a dramatic fight over alleged Shs3m cash reportedly given by “Mzee”! In the viral undated clip, the pair nearly turned into WWE stars before one retreated...

I do security assessments for different kinds of buildings. And i know right now you're all on the CCTV camera bandwagon but in this country, it is utterly useless. And the ones that you are getting are the wrong ones. CCTVs only work in cities, countries, where there's an established network of surveillance. Not only do i grab footage from you, but i can also go to the neighbor's, get their ring doorbell footage too. Go to the police and then road council, grab traffic/road footage too. Eventually piecing everything together to track those people. But you having CCTV on your facility, fence, gate does nothing. End of the day you're online, on twitter, asking people to identify a person they'll never know. But that person is already gone. Maybe in a different district by then. My advice, for this particular country, for your average little business or home, INVEST IN ALARM SYSTEMS more than on CCTV. Hard for perpetrators to keep climbing up your fence or smashing in your door when there's a loud wailing noise that is waking everybody up. And with CCTV people now know to wear masks. Alarms give zero fucks about masks. They are a very effective immediate deterrent. My little list for everyone reading this. Look into: Magnetic door contact alarms. Good for when someone tries to force open a door. Some even have a plate where you can rest a padlock. Soon as that padlock loses contact with the plate, alarm. Some even have shock & vibration sensors. Outdoor wall/fence motion sensor alarms. Pretty straightforward. They are triggered by motion, and lately they are so good they can differentiate between a person versus a dog, cat, bird that might just be perching on your fence or walking around your property so they don't sound the alarm unless its a person. If you are to do CCTV, there's CCTV systems that combine both surveillance and alarm. Get those. Not these things you people are using. They are very ineffective post-crime. 90% of the people you're recording you'll never find.

Our phones better be this dry when we make it bro.

This sentences by Van Gogh hits hard: “If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is a grass in the beginning.”

This ka weather raining during lunch break, first call your corporate girlfriend and see if she picks her phone....if she doesn't, Bali mu basement parking bewa cuddles ne Denis the IT guy 😂

DevOps people after using Claude Opus 4.7 to fix indentation errors in yamls

what's happening to this world

adulting is basically arriving at the same truths as your father, but from first principles.

You see what happened at Mutesa Kafero Building? One day, we were in Kololo at a certain bar. Honestly, it was my first time being there. It was almost 10:00 p.m. when CI officers surrounded the bar, and no one was allowed to move. It seemed like they were targeting certain

If you made $200k last month trading, maybe just keep doing that. You don't need to sell me a course too.

This planned Muko had never held a live chicken in his entire life🤣🤣🤣🤣🙌

Please give us a smarter president next time. Not a warlord. Saw Museveni's speech, was it yesterday or the other day? And he said something like, "What do you do with a SWASA, psychology and procurement degree?" As a psychologist, i do a lot! That his naive brain cannot even comprehend. I dont think, apart from computer sciences, there's a faster relevantly growing field in the world, let alone here in Uganda. For example, here's what i did today. Today i stood in front of a board of education heads of different schools and told them about learning disabilities. Debunked their longtime thoughts on why a child, a student, may fail on school. And there's lots of reasons. But today, to give them an example, i went with a child I'm working with, and her parents.. This kid suffers from a condition called Dyslexia. Many Ugandans do not know about it but its a common learning difference that mainly affects reading, spelling, and writing skills. This kid forgets right spellings of things. She has trouble recognizing letters and the sounds they make. And that takes away her ability to read fluently. But here's the catch. She has an IQ of 121. The average IQ of you and me is somewhere between 85 and 115. She's above average. She's so smart. She can recite the entire old testament from cover to cover. She has an Eidetic memory. Photographic memory. She remembers every detail of things she sees. She's 15, but she's in her Form 6. Her only problem, is her dyslexia. She rather learn by listening and watching, than by writing, taking notes and reading. Thats a very intelligent kid. But by our Ugandan standards, people would say, "She spells words wrong in her exam papers, so i ticked her wrong, she fails." BUT SHE REMEMBERED EVERYTHING! SHE JUST SPELLED IT WRONG. And thats what my Psychology did today. Explained to STEM teachers that they also have things they do not know. And that we need to rethink our system of education. But according to our President, nobody does much with Psychology!

Bro to Bro: Once we confirm you're alive, everything that almost killed you becomes fair game to make into a joke.

Your course mates are hiding past questions from you and you think it's links and opportunities they'll share with you. Life after school is going to be crazy😂

Alternate headline— Local woman sets boundary, man honors it. Woman left confused.